Sunday, 23 September 2012
22:48
It’s funny how trains make me feel nervous every time I use them. The same way that I associate airports with holidays, I relate trains with importance. If I’m on a train I’m probably doing something that’s pretty memorable or different, going to a new place or meeting people I’ve never met before. This last time was no different.
I took the train down to the fine city of London for my visit to the Gender Clinic last Thursday. This time I had rung up the day before to be sure my appointment hadn’t been cancelled… again, which it hadn’t thankfully, so I was happy about that but at the same time quite scared. This time it was actually going to happen. It has been a long time coming, not all of it due to waiting list times, some of it was due to my unavailability as well, but finally the day was here. Have I built it up enough yet? I think so.
So I had an appointment with Dr. Stuart Lorimer. I hope he doesn’t mind me naming him, I really don’t see why he would. Well I guess he may do if I started saying I thought he was an asshole, but he absolutely was not akin to any kind of human orifice whatsoever. He’s a really nice guy. He immediately put me at ease, he was friendly, he listened, and I felt like I could really open up with him. The appointment was basically another assessment of my case, as my first one was now several years ago. He just wanted to know if anything had changed between now and then. So there were all of the sorts of questions you’d expect. When did it all start? Who have you told? How did they react? Those sorts of things. One thing I was scared of was that he’d be constantly judging me, trying to read my thoughts or something, but if he was doing that, he was doing it very subtly!
So that hour passed by pretty quickly. I actually came away from it being incredibly relieved and happy. It is always good to get something off your chest anyway, but when it’s something that’s been there for as long as you can remember, and they completely understand what I mean, it feels fantastic!
I have a second assessment in January, so until then it’s pretty much back to how it was for the moment. I made a decision from that meeting that I am going to have to talk straight with my parents pretty soon to see where we all stand on the matter now. It’s been out there a while, it’s been given the chance to sink in, so hopefully any rage or upset will have subsided, but we will see I guess. Hopefully it’s not the sort of thing that festers over time, but even if it is we should probably get it out sooner rather than later anyway.
Lastly, Dr. Lorimer suggested I start on Finasteride due to my rapidly retreating hairline. Pretty much all of the older males in my family have long since lost the vast majority of their hair so he’s suggesting I start Finasteride to combat it. I am greatly considering it, but would be curious to hear some stories from people that may have used it in the past or are on it currently. I know most people probably don’t want to hear that the girl they see in the pictures on here is having issues with Male Pattern Baldness but I want to be as honest as possible without shaming myself!
Also lastly and actually unrelated to my trip down London town, at work we have just started employing a whole host of new people. I mention this because, now I’m not 100% on this, but I think one of the new starters could be a transsexual woman. Now this affects me in a few ways. First of all, excellent, my employer is happy to accept this (not that they really have a choice) so that bodes well for me if I wished to stay if I transition. Secondly, excellent, I may have someone very close to home that I can talk about all this and not be worried of repercussions. Thirdly, how do I go about introducing myself to her whilst remaining ‘undercover’? And fourthly, what if she recognises me? Now normally I wouldn’t expect her to. I mean it’s not like I’m immediately recognisable to every transsexual in Britain because I do this blog and post a few flickr pictures. My ego isn’t that swollen…yet. But it’s just the way she’s been looking at me. I don’t know, there’s a sort of hidden knowledge in her eyes. Yes I’m probably being paranoid. But let me just do this…
If you are this woman and know who I am; Hi! Sorry I’ve not come and greeted you properly. I’m sure you’ll understand as to why. I would very much like to chat with you but for the moment could it just be from the comfort of respective computer chairs? So if you do know and you want a chat then leave me a comment (please don’t feel like you have to!). However if you don’t know me, then you won’t be here reading this and I’ll be speaking to literally nobody at all. Hell, you might not even be transsexual; I may have missed the mark completely. Either way, I hope you enjoy working with us and I truly hope that you don’t get any sort of ‘hate’ related issues. It’s not so much the staff I’m worried about, it’s the minority of rude customers I’d be more concerned about. They can be devastatingly offensive given the option.
Anyway, that is about it from me today. I feel I have said enough!
Song of the Moment: Photosynthesis by Frank Turner.
It’s not so much just this song it’s all of his stuff. I’ve only recently discovered him and I’m having a bit of a secret love affair with him. Don’t tell Sarah.
Night! X
Becoming Ella 