Archive for August, 2008

‘Video (Isn’t The Real) Me’

August 17, 2008

Monday, 18 August 2008


As it turns out, I really shouldn’t have promised to reply to everyone that sends messages to me, it is just not possible given my situation. I have to apologise to everyone that has messaged me and I do feel very bad for not having replied but living a double life, if you like, creates very few chances to actually sit down on here on my own and write to people. I do appreciate those of you that have offered me help and given me words of advice, I really do, and to all of those people, thank you. Hopefully in the future I will personally thank you all but until then I hope this will do!

Well, where to start, I guess this video of mine for one. First off I did not anticipate it being viewed and commented on quite as much as it has. My ‘channel’ is apparently even the 4th most subscribed channel in the UK this month, and it wasn’t even this month I uploaded it. I am shocked purely for the fact that this video is nothing! I really don’t do anything in this video, and I have to be honest here, several people have picked up on it, but the ‘Video Me’ isn’t really the same as the real me, in terms of actions and gestures. What I mean to say is that I was acting more feminine than I really am. It was over the top, and when I did the video I knew it was. I didn’t record myself with the long term idea to upload it onto YouTube. It’s called experimenting.

I do have other videos of myself, but I’m unsure as to whether I really want to upload them. I’m concerned that one of these days someone is going to recognise me and out me. A few times in the last few weeks I’ve contemplated shutting down my whole online profile. This blog, my flickr account, everything, just because I’ve been concerned as to just how popular 4th in the UK is. But I realised that without this to come and write on every so often, I may well explode from excessive bottling up of emotions. Also, maybe I don’t care that I might get outed. So what? It’s not like I have a professional life to destroy. At some point I will be ‘out’ anyway so why do I hide so much? My parents know already, and if the rest of my family found out through some means it wouldn’t make much of a difference. I guess the main thing I’m concerned about is that if I do get outed this way, I will be seen as the overly feminine vain creature that flirted with the camera on the internet in a shameless copy of Magibon. Which, for those who aren’t following, I am not.

Night! X