Archive for January, 2008

New Pictures, Old News

January 31, 2008

Thursday, 31 January 2008


I am again not really that eager to write a lot. My computer is coming tomorrow and to be honest I’m kinda excited about it. I think tonight I’ll just upload some pictures and leave it at that. Here goes.


14th January

I WILL write more interesting things soon, just as soon as they happen. I guess it’s about time I went back to the doctors, I need to sort myself out. My ever growing awareness of my parents non acceptance is taking a toll on me. They are always trying to make me think of myself as male, but it’s not helping at all, it just depresses me more. I don’t want to seem like a guy, I want to be who I want to be. Gah, life aint’t fantastic right now, lets just say that.

Night! X


Cloverfield Thoughts

January 30, 2008

Wednesday, 30 January 2008


I’m really getting slack at updating this everyday, but I don’t want it to feel like a chore so if I don’t fancy writing my diary then gosh darn it I won’t force myself! Forcing can only lead to entries that don’t make sense and/or aren’t that good to read.

I have not been up to great deal recently, I’ve just been so happy about getting this new computer that I’ve been looking all over the internet to see just how good it is and what things I’ll be able to put on there. It’s really eating up my evenings.

Tonight I’d like to just talk about ‘Cloverfield’. If you’ve not heard of it, here’s a trailer…


Yes, this is basically a movie about a monster prowling the streets of New York. Now, I’m not going to go all serious on you, but looking at that trailer, just how much are you reminded of 9/11? It was all I could think of when I looked at that. But the thing is, I actually want to see it. It does look like an exciting film and tonight it was reviewed on “Film 2008 With Jonathan Ross” and he too liked it, claiming it is the best monster film of recent years.

So why do I want to see it? Morbid curiosity? Are the images of 9/11 still burnt so boldly in my mind, and have the people that made this movie known that, used it to their advantage? Obviously they will have made the connection, and it would not surprise me in the slightest if they’ve actually tried to get it the closest to 9/11 without it seeming like bad taste. Maybe most people’s memories of 9/11 have actually faded more than mine simply because I’ve been, well, a little obsessed, with 9/11 conspiracy theories and things like that. I have watched the attacks probably too many times and I do believe that we weren’t told the whole truth about what happened, but I’m not going to go into that here. I’m not a theorist nut, some of the alternative explanations make more sense, but again, I’ll leave that, there’s plenty of other people on the internet that know a whole lot more than me about this that explain it much better.

So is it bad taste? Does Cloverfield overstep the line? In my opinion, no, no it doesn’t. I cannot deny the similarities but does it really matter? If we chose to slate this film for ‘cashing in on 9/11’ then we would be at even greater risk of having stricter guidelines for films, and that, for me, would not be a good thing. Where would we draw the line. No film after 9/11 can show a falling building, or a plane crash, or people dying? You can’t do that, you cannot try and limit someone’s creativity by putting up these ‘no-go’ zones.

I haven’t seen this film, so I’ll just point out that these views have been formed from the trailers alone.

That’s all, more pictures soon (and maybe videos when I get my new computer after Thursday!)

Night! X

Treating Myself

January 28, 2008

Monday, 28 January 2008


Well apologies all for having abandoned you recently. Friday night was my fault, as I was looking at buying a new computer and it was all getting quite technical and confusing. Saturday night was not my fault because the internet decided to go to sleep before I did.

So what has happened in the past few days? Well for one, I’ve bought a new computer, a very very fancy new computer at that. I’ve ordered it on the internet so it should be here within two weeks. It feels like ages, I’m really looking forward to getting it! Once I get it I can start making more videos and editing more photos, and maybe even creating more music, as everything I need software-wise is coming with it. I really have been itching to make some creative videos, but my current computer, as good as it may be, is unfortunately not really good enough for serious video editing and photo editing. The new one I’m getting is several times quicker than this one and it does have a pretty good graphics card so I might actually be able to play games like The Sims 2 with fair affect. I admit to you now that I probably am a bit of a geek and I will be ordering some other games for it too. I, myself don’t see the big problem with games and why they’re seen as a geeky unsociable thing to do.

If you think about it, it’s no more unsociable than reading a book. Ok you probably don’t use your imagination as much as you do when reading, but you do get some fantastic stories none-the-less. They could be considered the 21st Century equivalent of books. Obviously that’s only true if you get one with a good story, which is really the only kind of game I like. The Sims 2 is good because you can make your own story, and also, with websites like Simmergirl out there, it also proves as quite a fun way to create TG fiction.

Oh yes, and another reason for getting a new computer; I want to find out what the deal is with “Second Life”. I think that has the potential to suck my evenings away without much trouble.

Anyway, I have work again tomorrow unfortunately, so I’ll go and sleep.

Night! X

Another Puzzle, Another Picture

January 25, 2008

Friday, 25 January 2008


I’ve got another puzzle for you tonight. This will not work quite so well seen as this is on the internet and everything, but here you go.

Can you add one single straight line to this ‘formula’ to make it correct.

Can You Solve It?

Let me just warn you, this is probably not as good as the last one, but still it’s quite clever. I didn’t get it but then again I didn’t really think for that long either.

I’d also like to just point out that these puzzles and things probably won’t be an often occurrence, it’s just that two have come to me recently, and I thought it was worth sharing.

Also, it’s been a while since I uploaded a new picture, and when I’m sitting on a nice new batch, it all seems kinda silly! Here’s another one that is going for the more arty look. (This will be popular because it looks like I’ve got cleavage!)

Watching The World

And that’s all for tonight, I’ll tell you the answer to this puzzle tomorrow night.


Night! X


January 24, 2008

Thursday, 24 January 2008


Whilst taking a look through some pictures I’d previously drawn I came across this one. I don’t remember drawing this one, but I must have done. I think what happened is that I’d drawn it once I’d got in from a night out and just drawn exactly what I felt, with the affects of alcohol loosening me up a bit. I think, even though it is just a silly little picture that was done in a few minutes it does show how I sometimes feel: Trapped. Looks like it could be an album cover.


Let me just say this is not how I feel right now, but often I do. In fact just today at work I felt upset about the whole thing again and just wanted to escape in some way. But everybody feels like this from time to time, no matter what problems they may or may not have. I think the most important thing for me to focus on is that it isn’t just me that has problems, everybody does. Yes, mine may be more ‘taboo’ than most, but it doesn’t stop others being more complicated. I could complain my nights away, I could, but I don’t want to. What good will possibly come from it? I will try to remain positive about everything, positive and confident. I know I can be what I want to be, I know this problem can be solved.

Night! X

Bunny Possibilities Return

January 23, 2008

Wednesday, 23 January 2008


Last night I gave you a logic puzzle, and if you’re curious to know the answer, if you don’t already know, here you go. (The font colour is white, just highlight it to see it!).

The Person that can tell for sure what colour hat they are wearing is Person 3.

The reason for this is; if Person 3 was wearing the same colour hat as Person 2, Person 4 would have worked out that they would be wearing the colour hat that wasn’t the same as Person 2 or Person 3.  Because Person 4 did not say “The colour of my hat is…”, Person 3 realised that it must be obvious that their hat was a different colour to the hat of Person 2, therefore it would know that their hat was Yellow.

Get it?

I thought it was quite a good little puzzle, and I hope you haven’t had to use this page because working it out for yourself is much more rewarding!

Feel free to test others on this puzzle if you so please.

Sonia mistakenly posted the answer as a comment, and I don’t mind really, especially as she did only say the answer and not the explanation. When I first saw the puzzle , even if I knew which person it was, I still wouldn’t have known why. Anyway, there we go, there’s the answer, let’s move on!

Today I met up with Charlie, and it did go well. She does know how I feel, and we did talk about it, and there was no ‘awkwardness’ so I’m very relieved for that. It seems to me like it’s not just me that she’s not been seeing. She’s had a new job and barely any time to herself. It was, I believe, just a coincidence that this job came about pretty much when I told her. She is a nice girl; I wouldn’t ever imagine her disliking someone for something like this.

We also met up with another girl today called Sarah. This Sarah was going to host the New Years Party, but unfortunately got dumped a few days before, and so it was all cancelled. Today when I saw her, she seems to have gotten over him and was talking about having an ‘Easter Party’ as a replacement. I’m all for that, especially the ‘Bunny Girl’ idea! That idea had already been put forward by Charlie over a year ago though, so I’m not holding my breath on that happening, or at least me being one of the bunnies anyway!

Well today Sarah was looking for a job. We went into a bar for some lunch. Sarah asked if there were any job vacancies there, and lo and behold there was. She was given an application form and filled it out whilst me and Charlie were eating. She then took it up to the bar and handed it in. A few minutes later the manager came up to her and took her upstairs. Then she had a quick interview, came back down to see us and told us she’d got the job!

I was amazed! No offence to her at all, but to be honest she put very little thought into the form, but clearly she did not need it. She has confidence greater than I could ever muster. She comes across as a positive person and just got the job there and then. I couldn’t ever be that impulsive either, any action I take that changes my life even a little bit takes quite a bit of thought.

Awwww, Heath Ledger has died. I can’t believe it. You know sometimes you just think that someone is going to die early. Heath Ledger was not one of those people I’d thought of. Only 28, geez. Makes you want to do more with your life doesn’t it? He was such a nice guy from what I saw on interviews and the like, it’s a terrible loss for his family and fans.

Well, that’s a sombre note to leave it on, but I’m afraid I’m tired.

So Night! X

Four People and a Wall

January 22, 2008

Tuesday, 22 January 2008


Right, I’ve got a problem for you tonight. Not an important problem, nothing that has remotely anything to do with me and my life. It is a logic problem that I was told about today. You may or may not have heard it, so if you haven’t, give it a thought. I won’t be telling you the solution tonight. I don’t want to ruin it. So here, I’ll describe it.

The best way to start is with a picture, so here goes.

Logic Problem

I hope you appreciate the amount of time I clearly put into the creation of that picture. It’s not that I’m not artistic; it’s just that I want to get to sleep tonight.

Anyway, let me explain.

These people, 1, 2, 3 and 4 are all wearing hats. (That’s what the triangles are!). None of the people know the colour of their own hat, but they all know that there are two Red and two Yellow hats between them. All of the people are facing the wall. Person 1 can see nothing but a brick wall. Person 2 can also see nothing but a brick wall. Person 3 is slightly taller and can see Person 2 in front of them, as well as the wall. Person 4 is the tallest and can see Person 3, Person 2 and the brick wall. None of the people can talk, move or turn around. All of the people know the whereabouts of the other people. As soon as one person knows the colour of their hat, they will say “The colour of my hat is…” followed by the correct colour. So there lies the problem: Which person can tell, for sure, what colour hat they are wearing?

There we are. Let me just say, this is not a trick question. There are no holes in the wall, they cannot peer around the wall, the wall is not transparent. They did not just look beforehand to see what colour hat they were being issued with. Person 4 cannot see over the wall, (even on tippy-toes!). They cannot climb on top of each other to see over the wall. They cannot look up and see their own hats. They don’t just guess the colour of their hats. NO! This is not a trick question. I tried this puzzle on my family and all I got were stupid questions like those. There is one answer, and it does make sense. Think about it, and I’ll tell you the answer soon. But I’m sure, seen as this is the internet, that people will work it out, or just cheat. It’s bound to be on another website somewhere.

Ok, that’s all you’re getting today. Oh, actually I’ll upload a new picture as well. This is a more arty one, but not as arty as it will get, let me warn you.

Being 'Noble'

Also I just found this picture on my computer. It’s another of my obviously beautiful artistic designs. A giraffe called Grindle! (Don’t even question it, even I don’t know why!)

Grindle The Giraffe

Night! X

Talk of Moving Out

January 21, 2008

Sunday, 20 January 2008


I have to say, that probably the best thing I’ve done in recent years is write this diary. I cannot think of many bad things that have come from it. Ok, so I do lose out on a little bit of sleep, but on the up-side, it’s a place I can speak freely about exactly how I feel, so it’s a way to express myself, it’s also keeping record of everything I do, so I can never forget. And I think, best of all, even though it wasn’t completely obvious to begin with, it is making me get out there and do more things. I want to do exciting things and I want something to talk about in my diary. My thoughts can only go a certain distance, it’s made me want to go and see the world with my camera around my neck and a smile on my face. I am convinced that everything has beauty, no matter who or what it is. In every town and village in every country in the world, there will be something worth looking at and photographing.

I am coming to realise just how passionate about creativity I am, especially photography. A photo can do so many things to you. You can be completely open with photography, I just love it, I wish I could take my camera everywhere. If I go out, there’s always a time when I wish I had a camera with me at that exact moment. I want to be able to just take pictures with my eyes, but I guess that kind of technology will have to wait.

I was really hoping I could do this ‘365 Days’ idea, where I take a picture everyday. Unfortunately, I realised my current life isn’t interesting enough just yet. A lot of days I am a devil for routine. I go to work, come home, have a snack and waste the hours away on the internet. It’s no way to live for me. I’m strangling myself too much. I feel like I need to move out, and me and my parents have spoken quite a bit about this recently. They talk about me buying a place and renting it out, that way it pays for itself for a time and at the end of it I’ve actually got a place. The thing is, as soon as I’ve bought myself a flat or something, I just know that I’d want to go and live there straight away. I’m probably a bit impatient, but I just know I would be a lot more outgoing as soon as I’m away from my parents constant worrying and general nosiness.

Well it’s certainly something to think about for me. But then where would I go? Would I stay near my parents here, or would I, maybe, consider moving abroad?! It is, after all, a fantastic time for us Brits to make a move to the US. And I did love San Francisco! Yeh, ok, I’m dreaming again, but I really would love to live there. Not really because of the whole ‘gay pride’ thing, but more just because I loved the place. Everything about it was amazing, every time I think about being there, or just being in America, I get a frog in my throat and just feel like I couldn’t be anywhere else.

Well I better get to sleep. Get a relatively early night.

Night! X

Happy Birthday Mum!

January 20, 2008

Sunday, 20 January 2008


Apologies for last night, but you can’t expect me all the time. I’m usually updating this every night, yes, but occasionally, just occasionally I might actually be doing something.

Well unfortunately, last night was not one of those occasions. Instead, the only reason I couldn’t update is because my sister and her friend were in my room watching ‘Happy Feet’ into the early hours of the morning. Normally I would have told them to get out, but I do actually quite like that film, even if it is meant for kids.

So yes, this weekend is my first off for an age. It’s fantastic, and I actually managed to do something as well. Quite a few things in fact. First off it was my Mum’s birthday, so I gave her her card and presents. Then about midday my friends had organised to meet. I wasn’t sure whether I should really go out on my Mum’s birthday, but she insisted because I’ve not seen them all properly for ages. So I went out to a pub for a few drinks and a catch up. Then at about 4pm I left them and met my Mum and sister in town to go to the cinema. We saw ‘The Golden Compass’ and yes it was fairly good. I didn’t understand a whole lot, but I guess the inevitable sequels will sort that out, if I decide to go and see them.

After the movie we all went to a nearby Italian Café and had a pretty tasty meal. I’m not looking to move into restaurant reviewing, so I will say no more about that place.

So that was today, and best of all, when I went into M&S to buy some sweets, I found out that they had messed up my rota, and I was meant to have next weekend off, and surprisingly they’re letting me have next week off too. Fantastic.

The only downside to that is that Charlie, who had got in touch again today, decided to meet on the Tuesday, which I would have had off if it were my Saturday in. No matter though, we can still meet up, but I’ll just have to run off to work when the time comes.

So there we go, ever so suddenly my life looks quite busy again. My Dad will be back from his Skiing holiday tomorrow as well, so hopefully things will be back to normal. I think it’s now that I should go to the doctors again and get this show back on the road! I don’t want to waste any more time, the sooner I act, the sooner I can be the person I want to be the rest of my life.

Right, seen as this is my weekend off, I don’t want to sleep through it all, so I’ll retire to my bed.

Here’s a new picture.

14th January (3)

Night! X

That Friday Feeling

January 18, 2008

Friday, 18 January 2008


Another day at work today. This is my first week of actually having normalish hours. Doing from 1pm to 9pm isn’t exactly normal, but the Monday to Friday is. I can now see the full beauty of a Friday.

Today I got an unexpected text off one of my friends, Charlie. Now most people reading this will not know about her, so I’ll ‘introduce’ her if you like. I only really became friends with her late 2006, and we often saw each other through to the Summer of 2007. What changed? Well, I told her the truth, about how I feel, about everything.

Since then we have rarely seen each other, she’s always said she accepts it, but we have never really talked about it, and I think I scared her away a bit. I may even go as far as to say that she was interested in dating me beforehand, one reason is that not long after I opened up to her, she got a boyfriend (which could also be a reason I don’t see her a lot as well).

So, pretty much since last Summer I’ve seen her once maybe twice. It’s disappointing I have to admit, but getting a text from her today is quite a nice surprise. I figured she would be trying to distance herself from me, but if she’s reaching out to me, then maybe I’m wrong. The problem is she asked if I wanted to meet her for Dinner tomorrow, and I’m actually working, so I can’t make it anyway, but hopefully with my new hours, new opportunities to meet up will arise.

Oh yes, something at work today. What appeared to be a little flirting from one of the gay male managers. I was asking him what the phone number of one of the managers was, he then told me, and added “You should call me instead, it’d be more fun” or something similar. Either this was a mistake on his behalf that made it sound like flirting, or it just was. I’d go with the latter. On his first night shift as a ‘manager’ I helped him along, showing him the ropes so to speak, and at the end of the night he said. “I’m glad you were here, I don’t know what I’d have done without you,”. Either I’m just overanalysing absolutely everything people say to me (yes) or he does like me. The thing is I like him liking me, but I don’t like him liking me for being male. So even though I think he is pretty cute and everything, I wouldn’t have any kind of relationship with him because I’m not what he’s looking for.

Right, well I just looked back at my diary this time last year and I was out of a job, being nagged by parents and just generally not enjoying life. I guess things have changed, which can only be a good thing. One thing I read from last year made me laugh though. It hasn’t anything to do with me, it was just a quote I must have heard from somewhere. It was “If 4 out of 5 people suffer from Diarrhoea, does that other one person enjoy it?”. Made me giggle.

Right, here’s another new picture. Another, ‘traditional’ one.

14th January (2)

Am I the only one that thinks “Tootsie” means foot?! Or is that just a me thing? I was going to call that photo Tootsie, but I thought too many people would think of the film with the crossdressing.

Night! X