The Doctor Will GIC You Now

Sunday, 23 September 2012

22:48

It’s funny how trains make me feel nervous every time I use them. The same way that I associate airports with holidays, I relate trains with importance. If I’m on a train I’m probably doing something that’s pretty memorable or different, going to a new place or meeting people I’ve never met before. This last time was no different.

I took the train down to the fine city of London for my visit to the Gender Clinic last Thursday. This time I had rung up the day before to be sure my appointment hadn’t been cancelled… again, which it hadn’t thankfully, so I was happy about that but at the same time quite scared. This time it was actually going to happen. It has been a long time coming, not all of it due to waiting list times, some of it was due to my unavailability as well, but finally the day was here. Have I built it up enough yet? I think so.

So I had an appointment with Dr. Stuart Lorimer. I hope he doesn’t mind me naming him, I really don’t see why he would. Well I guess he may do if I started saying I thought he was an asshole, but he absolutely was not akin to any kind of human orifice whatsoever. He’s a really nice guy. He immediately put me at ease, he was friendly, he listened, and I felt like I could really open up with him. The appointment was basically another assessment of my case, as my first one was now several years ago. He just wanted to know if anything had changed between now and then. So there were all of the sorts of questions you’d expect. When did it all start? Who have you told? How did they react? Those sorts of things. One thing I was scared of was that he’d be constantly judging me, trying to read my thoughts or something, but if he was doing that, he was doing it very subtly!

So that hour passed by pretty quickly. I actually came away from it being incredibly relieved and happy. It is always good to get something off your chest anyway, but when it’s something that’s been there for as long as you can remember, and they completely understand what I mean, it feels fantastic!

I have a second assessment in January, so until then it’s pretty much back to how it was for the moment. I made a decision from that meeting that I am going to have to talk straight with my parents pretty soon to see where we all stand on the matter now. It’s been out there a while, it’s been given the chance to sink in, so hopefully any rage or upset will have subsided, but we will see I guess. Hopefully it’s not the sort of thing that festers over time, but even if it is we should probably get it out sooner rather than later anyway.

Lastly, Dr. Lorimer suggested I start on Finasteride due to my rapidly retreating hairline. Pretty much all of the older males in my family have long since lost the vast majority of their hair so he’s suggesting I start Finasteride to combat it. I am greatly considering it, but would be curious to hear some stories from people that may have used it in the past or are on it currently. I know most people probably don’t want to hear that the girl they see in the pictures on here is having issues with Male Pattern Baldness but I want to be as honest as possible without shaming myself!

Also lastly and actually unrelated to my trip down London town, at work we have just started employing a whole host of new people. I mention this because, now I’m not 100% on this, but I think one of the new starters could be a transsexual woman. Now this affects me in a few ways. First of all, excellent, my employer is happy to accept this (not that they really have a choice) so that bodes well for me if I wished to stay if I transition. Secondly, excellent, I may have someone very close to home that I can talk about all this and not be worried of repercussions. Thirdly, how do I go about introducing myself to her whilst remaining ‘undercover’? And fourthly, what if she recognises me? Now normally I wouldn’t expect her to. I mean it’s not like I’m immediately recognisable to every transsexual in Britain because I do this blog and post a few flickr pictures. My ego isn’t that swollen…yet. But it’s just the way she’s been looking at me. I don’t know, there’s a sort of hidden knowledge in her eyes. Yes I’m probably being paranoid. But let me just do this…

If you are this woman and know who I am; Hi! Sorry I’ve not come and greeted you properly. I’m sure you’ll understand as to why. I would very much like to chat with you but for the moment could it just be from the comfort of respective computer chairs? So if you do know and you want a chat then leave me a comment (please don’t feel like you have to!). However if you don’t know me, then you won’t be here reading this and I’ll be speaking to literally nobody at all. Hell, you might not even be transsexual; I may have missed the mark completely. Either way, I hope you enjoy working with us and I truly hope that you don’t get any sort of ‘hate’ related issues. It’s not so much the staff I’m worried about, it’s the minority of rude customers I’d be more concerned about. They can be devastatingly offensive given the option.

Anyway, that is about it from me today. I feel I have said enough!

Song of the Moment: Photosynthesis by Frank Turner.

 

It’s not so much just this song it’s all of his stuff. I’ve only recently discovered him and I’m having a bit of a secret love affair with him. Don’t tell Sarah.

photo(2)IMG_2978 (1)

IMG_2970 (1)IMG_2955 (1)

Night! X

20 Responses to “The Doctor Will GIC You Now”

  1. rheapdx1 Says:

    Hey Ella,

    Good news that the doc’s visit went well. Just keep in mind that some docs are decent and others have all the warmth, decency and bedside manners of sharks in a feeding frenzy. Also having been through the q and a’s with my ‘gang of 5’if they are going to be thorough, then you are ahead of the game.

  2. rheapdx1 Says:

    Ooops that got cut off…The next posting was going to about well dealing with the parents. Due to an issue here, which has been mentioned via other means…be careful not to short what you want in this for the benefit of someone else. That is not meant to be mean or terse, very far from it. The fact is that, let’s say this is put off long term due to keeping the family peace….that is time that will not come back. Hence in the strongest of senses….the regret of not being able to do so or wanting to have done so will kick in. And if done late due to that, then it is almost as though someone is ‘playing from behind’, so to speak [sports analogy, but rather apt]. Also if the family relationship is a good one, then there may not be as much turbulance as let’s say what happens with others.

    As for the new worker, be honest and talk with her in a way that says ‘ok you are here, I am same….now how can we help each other?’ I know, somewhat simplistic, but when I have run into someone else here, be it at the market, the doc’s or even if it’s on a tech call, we just break the ice with a couple intro questions and then it is on to the matter at hand. Granted, it took a few years to get to this point…but heck now it is just in the same vein like asking ‘what do you think of the omnifog, etc?’

    Ok so much for the semi-parental/older sister like advice from this desk. Do not worry about the verbage in all of this, you are doing fine. Always have, always will…

    Love Always,

    Randi

  3. pascalestar Says:

    Strange he’d put you on Finasteride, as I heard (perhaps incorrectly) that hormones would have the exact same effect on your hairline. As it has the same effect on libido and such I’ve always expected it to be a product that halts the production of tetosteron as much as hormones which is why I haven’t started a cure myself. I’d love to hear your opinion on this.

    xo

  4. rheapdx1 Says:

    Hey Ella,

    Sorry about the extra posts here but inn checking what pascalestar mentioned about Finasteride, something came up in the research….

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finasteride

    It seems there is something about it’s ‘off-label’ usage that could cause a few probems..

    Til later on,

    Randi

  5. Faye Says:

    Still looking gorgeous AND a Frank Turner fan!! It doesn’t get much better🙂 xXx

  6. Suzy X Says:

    Hey Ella,

    I think ive spent enough time lurking around other peoples blogs, so thought I would actually start commenting.

    Im glad your GIC visit went well, just having the option to talk to someone can be like a weight being lifted from your shoulders, the fact that this could lead to you becoming who you are meant to be is even better! I wish you luck!

    As far as the person in work goes, be very very careful. You do not know for sure that this person is TS, and if she is not you could greatly offend her. If she is and she is trying to be in ‘stealth’, you could shatter her confidence by saying you read her. I would probably take it slow, make friends with her the same you would with any other colleague. As time goes on, then maybe start to drop a few hints about yourself as part of a conversation. Maybe about something that she is doing at the time, like makeup or something suitably feminine. Obviously you have to be prepared for the fact that she may not be TS and you could out yourself to someone in work who may not understand, but hopefully by this time you will at least know her well enough to judge her reaction. Whatever you decide to do, take it slow.

    Love your new pics btw, that dress is beautiful!

    Suzy X

  7. Anonymous Says:

    Finasteride is a relatively benign drug that does NOT block testosterone. Rather, it blocks the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone (DHT). It is the DHT that causes two problems for males:
    1. Male Pattern Baldness (MPB)
    and
    2. Enlarged Prostate (a.k.a. benign prostatic hyperplasia – BPH).

    In the U.S. the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) has approved Finasteride for both uses. It is typically administered as “Propecia” for MPB and as “Proscar” for BPH. The only difference is the dosage. Because of the cost, some people buy Proscar and then cut the pills, which is perfectly acceptable for this kind of drug.

    The most important warning i would have for you is that Finasteride is “teratogenic”, which means that it is known to cause birth defects in the fetuses of women who come in contact with it. Please keep it well away from women of child-bearing age, even if they are on birth control.

    All that said, i took it for a couple of years with no ill effects on my liver or kidneys. I stopped taking it when i went on Spironolactone, which actually blocks testosterone production and Estrogen. These two in combination made the Finasteride unnecessarily redundant.

    You should also consider Rogaine foam; it actually does work. Again, the FDA has approved Rogaine as a drug to combat baldness, meaning that it passes muster in its claims in that area. Note, my doctors say that the foam actually has less risk of adverse skin irritation than the other formulations. It has had noticeable impact on my bald-ish areas.

    Of further interest is that i have had hair transplants to cover the thin patches and that surgeon recommends continuing the use of Rogaine to improve the viability of transplants.

    I say that you should get the Finasteride. The major advantage is that a great many men take Finasteride without anyone looking at them and thinking… “tranny?” Once you start taking Estrogen, those questioning looks turn into… “ah, right, tranny.”
    🙂

  8. sam kirkpatrick Says:

    hiya Ella, allways look forward to reading your posts there really so interesting hope that this email finds you in good spirits ,,,,,Sam,,,,,,xxxxxx

    Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2012 23:37:21 +0000 To: samray52@hotmail.co.uk

  9. Becky Says:

    Hey, Ella. I think you already got a full insight on Finasteride. It’s actually prescripted to heterosexual men concerned with their hair or prostate. So be cool right there!

    I don’t know why it’s been taking you so long to jump ahead. Even when you talk about the possibility of a tranny joining your work team, you seem scared in your writing. Now that’s truly what’s gay!

    You should gather up yourself and imagine from this very moment, that transition will be tough, and if it doesn’t turn out as hard as you imagined, well congratulations. But imagine the worst and swallow it so you can move on right away! No more excuses, or you’ll be regreting you didn’t do it so many years before. Trust me: I tell from experience!

    You might be rejected by family or friends, or may not. Perhaps that person you thought you could relay is going to turn your back, but then other people will open their arms to you! You can’t expecto everyone to understand this. not at first, at least!

    When are you giong to come out? When changes begin to show? You know what’s gonna happen then? You will chicken out and stop the treatment. Gay, again!

    If it’s gonna rain, let it rain now! If the bomb’s going to fall, drop it now! The sooner you take control of it, the sonner the sour moments will pass. And the sooner you’ll achieve your goal of looking as you feel.

    Not sure about that new girl in work? Go ahead and ask her! Tell her you don’t want to be misunderstood of offensive, but that it’s too damn important for you to have a friend to relay on! You have an advantage right there: you don’t know her or she to you! So any kind of relationship is free of expectations and everyting will be brand new!

    But I know either you won’t come out to her, or do so in the course of like six months. How do I know it? You’ve written it all along in your blogs. In fact, that’s why you feel so compfortable as a girl, because you are seeing in the mirror what you haven’t easily been able to get in your arms!

    Shake up, stand up, gather your self up, and go fetch what you really want! No more lousy imaginary fears, girl.

    Kisses & blessings,

    Becky.

  10. Spacial Says:

    Looks like several people have already said their piece about Finasteride so I will only add that, if I were in your situation which sadly, I am not, I’d grasp at anything.

    Hell, I’d take anything a Dr gave me just to get the ball rolling.

    It’s not as if he’d give you something that is going to harm you. The worst that can happen with this stuff is you won’t be as male down below as you are.

    But surely that’s the objective. No more insult!

  11. hotbetty76 Says:

    glad to hear things moving along. Families may sometimes reject ones that go to a diffrent direction. My friend’s family rejected her brother coming out of the closet. His parents accepted him, but his aunts , uncles, cousins , and grandparents reject him. They harrass the family for weeks. that was a couple of yrs ago. Now some of them accept him now. Stand your ground when telling your family with out arguing with them. Remind them life is short and love and care for u no mater u continue ur transion. I also dealing with issues with my family about me being the opposite gender. My mom complains , my dad say nothing, my sis complains. My sis thinks i’m competing with her. I tell others that i dont compete unless its a contest. Its not my fault that i’m cute with i dress up. Other accept me who i am and others dont. Love your blogs. Love the pics. Where did you get that silver dress? i want one too.🙂

  12. Loney Says:

    This is badkathy i like to be make into a full time sissy maid and to a MASTER and MISTRESS 24/7

  13. Vitor Says:

    please post new pictures I miss you …

  14. Sal Says:

    Ella – How was your Christmas? Please post some new photos. You are absolutely gorgeous and we want to see more of you. More important, we want to know about your transition.

    Happy New Year!

  15. Verity S. Says:

    hey whats been happening its been ages since we heard from you!! Everything ok ?!?!?

  16. Soz Says:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coOadd2sd0w Hey Ella , do you know if the dancer front right at 4:27 is beautiful Alberta from 2004 reality show ‘he’s a lady’?

  17. angelladee Says:

    Mr Lorimer is a fine human being and wouldnt prescribe a drug which could do you harm. You so do not wish to go through hair transplant surgery;which is risky surgery too!
    I have been reading you for ages too and I really do believe that coming out would be the best decision you ever made. It is so surprising who will jump up in your defence of your decision to transition. As has been said, ‘life is short and it all belongs to YOU!
    Ps. With this government, services for Trans patients could change at any time. Get your foot in the door 1st. Its a hell of a ride, get on with it NOW❤❤ I wish you well x x x

  18. WB Says:

    Hi Ella,
    Is there any update?
    You seem to have gone very quiet. No post here or flickr for ages.
    Did you go back to th GIC?
    Any new pics/vids coming soon?

  19. Critter Rockwell Says:

    I am a crossdresser and have been for a long time. however I don’t believe that I ever looked that good

  20. Lucas Says:

    Hit me.up ur sexy trnd520@Gmail.com

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