Archive for August, 2012

I ♥ UK

August 28, 2012

Tuesday 28th August 2012


I’m still not back at work. I have been signed off for the whole of this week, and then I’m on holiday next week. The thing is though I’m almost well enough to go back to work. I can walk around without getting too out of breath now, I just can’t do anything much more than that, and unfortunately my job requires much more than that. I’m tempted to just have this week off and spend my weeks holiday making sure I’m properly rested and return to work fresh faced and eager(ish) the following week. If I make myself go back early then it might screw up my holiday if I don’t handle it very well. I just feel like I should be back and feel guilty for being off really.

So my holiday next week, if I am feeling alright, is going to be a cottage in Cornwall. We’re only going for a few days, but I’m very much looking forward to it. Since I’ve been with Sarah we’ve only ever holidayed abroad, which is great and all, but there’s a beauty to Devon and Cornwall that’s unmatchable. I cannot wait to get onto that beach and watch that sunset over the sea taking in the scents of the salty sea air. Maybe even with a cheeky fish and chips. It has to be done. It is the British way!

Actually about that; I’ve never felt more proud to be British than I have this year. We have had a fantastic unforgettable year. All the sport, Andy Murray reaching the Wimbledon final, Bradley Wiggins winning the Tour de France, England doing sort of ok in the Euros, and of course the whole of the Olympics. Not only did we host both a stunning opening ceremony and closing ceremony, we also did pretty damn well at the actual events as well, ending third in the medal table. And then there were all the Diamond Jubilee celebrations, all the concerts, the street parties, seeing the Queen passing through our city, it was just amazing.

I may need to stick the national anthem on and cry a proud tear. Excuse me. Actually “Land of Hope and Glory” is better, let’s put that on. That one gives me the chills. Seriously how is this not the national anthem?

Anyway, went off on a bit of a tangent there. It’s just been a good year to be British; I felt it needed to be said. Hopefully the Paralympics will also be a good watch.

More on topic, it’s worth mentioning that I did take some more pictures over the last few days, so you can expect to see them up some time in the future. I will upload the last of the ones from April and a teaser for these new ones!

This may well be my last entry before my appointment next month, so wish me luck. I will of course let you know how it went. Until then, thanks for reading!

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Night! X


Drugged Up

August 22, 2012

Wednesday 22nd August 2012


Twice in one week?! You better believe it buddy!

I’ve just uploaded some of my April pictures to Flickr, there are more to come. Also there may well be some more from this week. While I am actually unfit to work, I should be fit enough to do a mini photo shoot.

Also I’ve had a few wigs through this morning. I’ve decided against human hair wigs for now, I can’t really justify the price of them, so I just got some fairly decent synthetic wigs. They actually feel really good, hopefully they look good on me, you’ll have to judge for yourself in like four months when I upload them! I will try my best to get some up this week. I won’t ruin the surprise by telling you the styles, but I will say that one in particular is unlike any I’ve owned before. One thing I have to make sure I do this time is care for them properly though. All but one of my old ones I’ve had to throw out just because they became matted and disgusting looking. Now I know why the care instructions don’t say ‘stuff clumsily into your bottom drawer’. I’ve ordered a couple of wig stands so that will help, there’s just the problem of keeping them out of the sight of prying eyes.

I went back to the doctors yesterday. They think I have the start of tonsillitis. I’ve had laryngitis before and I get the feeling they’re pretty similar. I can’t wait until I get the whole set, I can start placing houses and hotels on them then.

Basically it hurts to swallow, so I have to take a tonne of penicillin, paracetamol, ibuprofen and ‘difflam’ spray now. I feel like a drug dealer, except for the fact I’m the one taking it all. Like a drug dealer with a bad business model then I guess.

I have to go back in a couple of days and the doctor said if I’m not improving by then, I might have to go up to the hospital. She took a mouth swab which she is going to send off to check that it isn’t anything ‘exotic’ as she called it. I hope I do improve, but I have to be honest, I’m really loving not going into work. I don’t find the time to do this blog when I work. Granted I’d probably get pretty bored quite quickly, and I will say that the days all seem to merge together as well, but overall I’m still loving it.

I’m also supposed to be on holiday the week after next, so I’m not really that inclined to try and return to work before that. If I’m off until then I basically get a free week of recovery.

The one thing I’m not happy about though (apart from the whole pain thing) is that my workplace does not respond well to genuine illness. In a nutshell if I’m off more than three times in about three months, no matter how long for, you ‘trigger’. Also if you’re off for more than eight shifts in six months you will ‘trigger’ as well. Triggering basically means you will have to go to a meeting with your manager where they will pretty much always give you a written warning. Written warnings mean you won’t get any pay rises or bonuses for a year. This, in my opinion is a bit extreme. Granted I’ve only ever worked at this place, so this could be the same for many companies, but I don’t know, my family seems to think it’s unfair. I mean any company that punishes someone for having a genuine illness seems unfair.

Still, I guess I’m lucky to have a job at all in this climate, right?! Right?! It doesn’t stop me from disliking it though. I would love a different job, my problem is not knowing what I want to do, and not having any qualifications in whatever it is that I want to do.

Well I’ll leave it there. Here are those pictures!

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Night! X

I Love You Nan

August 20, 2012

Monday 20th August 2012


I’m not entirely sure why I still type the precise time I start my blog entries, it’s not like I have multiple entries per day any more is it? Multiple entries in a year is quite the achievement these days. I guess it’s just force of habit. Or that I don’t like change…

Here I am again. For someone that really enjoys writing, this is too rare an occurrence. I think I’ve worked out why though. I’m ashamed. I’m ashamed I’ve not lived up to everything I promised myself when I was younger. Even if it were possible I’m not sure I could look my past self in the eyes now. I also feel the same for those of you that read this. A fair number of people have messaged me in the past telling me that I have been an influence on their decision to act on their feelings, and I feel that by not doing much myself I have lied to them. And I hate lying.

I should summarise what’s been going on since my last entry really, it’ll probably give you an indication as to why I’m feeling quite so down.

My Nan passed away last month. She was 97, which is a fantastic age to reach, but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s not here anymore. I have a few regrets from her passing. I wish I’d seen her more often, I wish I told her I loved her more than I did. Because I did. A lot. She didn’t know about me and I’m glad she didn’t. She was born into a very different world than I was and she would not have understood. It was better her not knowing.

Her passing has made a bit of an affect on me though. She was my last grandparent. It marks the end of an era. I am no longer a grandchild, only a child. There’s only the one generation above me now. Which means I should be thinking of beginning a generation below me doesn’t it? Well, children are something I’ve never really addressed on here before; in many ways I’ve not felt old enough up until now. But do I want kids? Yes. Not yet, but yes. The real question though, is do I want to be a Mother or a Father. It’s another question I don’t know the answer to.

If I had been born female I’d have been the happiest mother. As a male though, do I want my child to go through the issues of having a mother that used to be someone’s son? It’s a lot for kids to deal with, and as I always say I only want what is right for me as long as it isn’t wrong for someone else.

I guess these are issues that I can blurt out at the GIC next month. Yes, that’s right they moved my appointment back another month. Honestly I don’t mind, but I will start to mind if this coming appointment doesn’t materialize.

I am also currently off work ill. My girlfriend had a chest infection that was obviously so lovely she didn’t want to keep it all to herself. So now I’m basically housebound; walking anywhere further than the bathroom causes me to get very short of breath and dizzy. Sarah’s gone back to work today so I’m spending my alone time updating here.

So, now that I have all that out of my system, lets move onto better things.

I am currently in the market for a new wig. My hair was cut in a tragic planned appointment several months ago, and looking back at pictures before that I think my hair looked terrible in the state I kept it. I would love to grow it out and style it but as I’m still ‘undercover’ I can’t do that. So a new wig. I’ve looked around the internet for human hair wigs, and whilst everything about them appeals but the price, I’ve heard some people saying that a good synthetic wig is better. I’d just like to hear some opinions. Also some style options. I love the wig below, but apparently the website it is on is basically a scam site and many people have reported not receiving their goods and if they have, it being a less than stellar quality. So I’d like something like that on a reputable site.

This Isn't Me!

Also I’m now on tvChix. My username is EllaUK. If you’re interested in going out to a club somewhere local then by all means leave me a message, I’ll do my best to get back to you. I would love to go out at least once a month as Ella, but we’ll have to see.

Well, thanks for reading again, I’ll look at uploading some pictures later in the week. There’s still some from April I haven’t got up.

Night! X