Saturday, 14 August 2010
23:10
And there it went.
So, I pulled out. I decided it wasn’t for me. I’m a bit of a tease really aren’t I?! Yeah, I decided against it because, well there’s several reasons. First off it was becoming apparent that I would have needed to be going away for the weekend quite often and I can’t be constantly running away from my loving girlfriend all the time. I’m lucky to have her in the first place and to put that in jeopardy would be a ridiculously silly thing to do, I’m sure you understand.
Second reason: Seen as I would be going away quite often I would need to constantly make up stories to tell both mine and Sarah’s parents when I couldn’t go to either for a Sunday roast. I had to do it the one time for that photo-shoot and I immediately remembered how much I hated intentionally misleading people. Partly because I’ve been doing it all my life and it can never be a good thing to get back into that, and partly because I’m not very good at lying. Which is also basically my third reason:
I’m not very good at acting. And I believe that would have developed into a bit of a necessity! Granted I’ve never actually tried acting, and I’m always told it’s not that hard, but I figure that if there are some whole schools dedicated to it then it can’t be one of those things that you can just “blag your way through”. Well you could, but it could end up looking like a bad acted porno. Which leads nicely onto my last reason.
Whilst not technically porn, it was close enough for me to reconsider. It’s what it’s all about even if I wasn’t going to be showing more than I already have. I made a promise to myself several (hundred) posts ago that I would never do anything porny, and I think I should stick to my principles. Well if I don’t who else is going to?!
I think that’s all the reasons I have to be honest. I do wish the Tranisa.com crew the best of luck and I hope that it all works out well. They really are a nice bunch of people and if any of you are considering modelling for them and are sure you want to do it, just go for it. I look forward to seeing the kind of things they make.
What? I will. I watch porny things, why not? Well actually I don’t, I read it. And that’s all I have to say on the matter…
…
Every time I write porny it just makes me wonder if there’s ever been a porn film called “My Little Porny”.
…
Google says no, but apparently it was front page news in Bristol (?!)
Oh and there’s a quiz based on this very concept. But when isn’t there?
(I got 2 out of 12!)
Sorry, my mind does wander sometimes. I think I need to ban myself from using Google when I’m writing one of these, it really does interfere. Within about 5 minutes I’d have been viewing the history of sporks for no particular reason.
So yes anyway, my main point is that I won’t be carrying on with my modelling, at least in this way. I would like to do modelling that’s, say, more family-friendly though.
Some possible good news; Sarah now works earlies whilst I’m working lates, so whilst it’s not exactly great for us, the good thing is that I might be able to write up on here a little more often. Just don’t expect pictures everytime! I unfortunately don’t get that much time to dress with make-up. I will continue to upload a few unseen photos from the shoot though.
That’s enough for now, I have more to say, but if I keep them for another entry it might actually make me do it!
Oh yes, I almost forgot, here’s a song of the moment. Well it was 2 months ago, but it’s still relevant. One of my favourite songs ever, it really is quite beautiful.
Night! X
Becoming Ella 
August 14, 2010 at 11:09 pm |
Hey Ella,
Understood about the issue of the website. One of the problems with some items that are connected to the community is that, while some start out with what can be in theory ‘the best of intentions’ ends up at time giving in to either a profit or a purient motive. And in that vein, it does neither the person involved nor the community [I know another possible can of worms to be opened…but saving that one for another time] any good over the long haul.
About the sticking to principles…it is like what has been mentioned in the emails, hon. It more or less is can someone look themselves in the mirror after the fact and know that they stood by what they project to the outside world. As in does their conscience bother them post event. In the most logical of veins, you did make the right decision, one which will not come back to haunt down the road.
I will not even ask about the pornoponies….after all that would be horsing around for no reason, nagging someone about the main object of same and trotting out some rather bad stereotypes.
By the by you know where the support from here lies, no matter what you got it from this desk [and check the blog link when you get a chance *S*] Just remember you did the right thing by you..it does take a certain amount of guts and strength to keep to a value set. And that will work not just for now…but in other places down the road as well.
Til later on and Love Always,
Randi
August 15, 2010 at 4:05 am |
wow sweety what a bummer, but its understandable. Hope things get better as they go. You still look very cute as a blonde. hehehehe
August 15, 2010 at 7:49 am |
As cool as a gig like this sounds I think you did the right thing. A loving, understanding girlfriend is indeed too important to jeopardise. And lying is never good, I’m pretty damn good at acting actually but it just makes you feel shitty afterwards. Dodging proverbial bullets is a pretty awesome skill but you just end tangling a very complex web. And I wouldn’t have called those shoots porny but I did think it was very fetish-y. It’d be cool to see you do straight up modelling. More fashion oriented. Anyway, good luck with any future endeavors and I’m glad to hear that we’ll be seeing more posts soon. Always look forward to them, you’re a good writer.
August 15, 2010 at 3:27 pm |
I’m sad that your Transia buisness didn’t go off well at last. I am almost became intrested in thatt matter. Well, that’s history now. Your principles are more important than some moments/hours/weeks/years of shiny celebrity together with a ruined life.
A loving girlfriend is both blessing and curse four us, you know. I’ve lived together with mine for 8 years. We hade problems before but since I fully embraced my transsexuality there have been more misunderstanding between us than before. We love each other deeply but there’re issues which can’t be solved only with love, much work and negotiation are required to find the give-and-take state.
August 15, 2010 at 4:40 pm |
Think you made the right decision to be honest.
Have to say, after the last post, I was quite excited for you. But after, I looked at the site and thought, well…. it’s OK I suppose, but to cast you in some sort of sexualised does tend to defeat the objectives you set yourself so far.
That was my personal feeling. You decision was and is paramount.
Your attention to Sarah is, without question. She comes first as she must.
Anyway, understand about the different shifts. Great that we might get some more posts. I really look forward to hearing how you’re doing.
Best wishes.
August 16, 2010 at 11:08 am |
HiElla
First you look amazing.
I love your blogs – and think you write very well.
There seems to be a leal in your blog – you deciding not to go.
Would love to hear more about your decision and why uou pulled out?
I’m thinking of contacting the company – but felt concerned by your post.
Hope you’ll help with some detail
Love
Pete
x
August 25, 2010 at 4:16 am |
“MY LITTLE PORNY” HAHAHAHA
I LOVE THAT.
August 25, 2010 at 11:59 am |
Ella, had I another method of contacting you I would have done so, but since I don’t, here we go…
I understand your reservations about modelling/acting viz-a-viz the “porn” issue and, for what it’s worth, I think you’ve made the right decision.
Which leads me onto say that if you would like to do mainstream modelling I think we should have a chat. Email me and I’ll give you my contact number. If not, then I’d just like to wish you well whatever you decide to do in life.
August 27, 2010 at 1:54 pm |
I do think you did the right, Ella. Sure it was fun, and I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t like a pro photo tableau, but some things are best left to the imagination. And I can read how such a site can get a little snarky- not that’s a bad thing, but…well, you know.
Do for you, and be happy inside your own skull.
-Patrice 🙂
August 28, 2010 at 7:01 pm |
Two things define a special person-honesty and an interesting story to tell and you provide both. I am even more decided to follow your blog and hope you find happiness and fulfilment. X
January 4, 2011 at 5:26 pm |
Hi Ella, I went through something similar to your situation, when I first came across the Tranisa website (ironically, through the photo shoot pictures you have posted on Flickr). I think you’ve made the right decision to pull out…if I had been in your shoes, perhaps I would have made the wrong one.
And thank you very much for your blog posts too! 🙂
Kate
August 9, 2020 at 9:13 am |
I’m glad that you made a sensible decision. I wish you good fortune with your life,