Saturday, 27 December 2008
So, I went for it. Here I am typing right now and I’m not single, for the first time in my life. I’m going out with Sarah and I’m loving it! She is amazing, and while I was extremely nervous to start off, things are getting a bit better and hopefully I can soon be more relaxed with her. She is completely accepting of the real me, so much so that she even got me make-up for Christmas. I got loads! Well I think its loads because I’ve never had any, but I really didn’t expect her to get all the basics! It’s all good stuff too, I can’t wait to try it out.
There are some small problems though. Well one really. And this may sound bizarre given what I’ve already told my parents, but I am having a hard time talking about Sarah with them. They don’t yet know that I’m going out with her and that I’m planning to move out in the near future. I know it isn’t, but I can’t help but feel that I’m giving them mixed messages. So I want to be a girl, ok, oh but wait, what’s this, I have a girlfriend now. I know they don’t have to be mutually exclusive, but I would imagine my parents would think so. I just hope it’s not too much at once for them, but then again it has been over a year since I told them. I’m not even sure if they’d take this well or not. If they did take it well, it would probably be because they think the first thing I told them isn’t applicable anymore, but then I guess I’d have to explain it to them.
To make things just a tad more complicated, Sarah doesn’t know that my parents don’t know yet either. It’s not that I’ve lied, she just presumes I have told them, if it came up in conversation I’d probably tell her.
Ok, so what should I do? Is this too much for my parents if they haven’t actually come to accept me yet? Or should I just tell them and live my life without constantly seeking the acceptance of others? I know which option sounds better for me. I guess if I am going to be moving out soon, who I’m going with is going to be one of the first questions! I guess I have to tell them.
I realise that I am yet again over thinking a fairly simple matter, and I’m sorry, but that’s just what I do!
I am very much looking forward to moving out though. It is something that I’ve wanted ever since I got a taste for it at University. Sharing a place with someone who is not only accepting, but excited about the real me is clearly going to give me a lot more time of dressing how I want. I aim to do it pretty much all the time when I’m not working. That should give me more of an idea of how my life will pan out when I go through with this. I also hope to get back to the doctors and start on hormones as soon as I can once I’ve moved in. And we’re not talking years away here, maybe just a month or two, we’ll see what’s around. I honestly can’t wait! Things will probably get a lot more interesting and I’ll try to keep this updated regularly.
Well I better go, don’t want to leave you with an essay to read! Here’s some new pictures!
Oh yeah, and I hope you had a good Christmas and I wish you all a Happy New Year if I don’t write on here before then.