Replies Would Be Nice

Friday, 18 July 2008


I don’t know what to think anymore. I want to upload a video of me, just of me. How vain is that?! Why do I want to do this? Why am I signed up to all these websites, yet whenever someone sends me a message I just get scared and end up never replying. Why do I rarely, if ever, reply to my mail? I do want to meet people like me, and chat and make friends, I love making new friends. In my mind if I upload a video of myself I will get more mail, but, then, why bother if I don’t even reply to the mail I’ve got? What on earth is the point? I really think I should make it a point that from this moment forth I will reply to all mail I get. I feel horrible for not being able to find the time to reply. The only time I can get online and do this sort of thing is now, when the rest of my family is in bed and I’m free to browse the net at my leisure.

Ok, that’s it, I’ll try it, see how I get on. I just don’t want to stay up too late replying. And no that doesn’t mean I get sooo much mail that I’m overwhelmed, it’s just that I take a long time thinking of exactly what to say in my replies. I like to actually have a point to replying.

Ok I will upload that video, and possibly a few more in the future, and I promise that I’ll reply to your emails etc. That is of course if it isn’t something blatantly not worth replying to.

I’ll also try and write on here more often.

Oh and get back to the doctors.

And tell more of my closest friends about me.

And get a decent job.

And try to get my parents to understand.

Then move out.

Then… who knows.

Night! X

25 Responses to “Replies Would Be Nice”

  1. Phil Says:

    Thats a nice little clip. Thank you for posting it.

  2. metareflexive Says:

    who do you pose sexy for? If it is not somebody specific, might it be yourself? your ego?

  3. James Says:


    Cute video, but here’s a tiny bit of constructive criticism from a tranny who used to make exactly the same mistake…

    Your mannerisms and hair remind me of a certain Little Britain character.

    Don’t be offended though… you are extremely cute. Just be yourself!


  4. Cassandra Says:

    @ metareflexive: there is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring one’s identity. The video is wonderful and is probably an important step.

    Ella, I wish you all the luck in the world. I hope everything works out for you. It seems like you will have the courage and strength to become the person you really want to be. Hang tough! I could tell you from personal experience that any trouble you might go through initially while transitioning to the opposite sex is totally worthwhile in the end. Don’t ever ever let go of your dream.

  5. M Says:

    have you ever seen this french film called ‘ma vie en rose’ translates to ‘my life in pink’ about a boy who want to be a girl, he dresses up as a girl, he questions his older sister aout the XY and XX gene that makes a person a boy or a girl… i can’t remember the whole film but it was a film which any person other than yourself would find rather disturbing to say the least. But if you have or have not seen it, it might give you something to relate to… as much as i think what you do it strange it’s nothing for me to comment on and i respect your decision, i am writing here because i like reading your blog. keep it up 🙂


  6. Darcy Says:

    There are many little steps to big end results. Don’t worry about the minutia. They work themselves out. Stay focused on the end result and you’ll walk automatically through the little stuff with less stress.

    Great emotive expression in the video. Don’t always default femininity with sexiness though. Explore all that’s available to you.

  7. Darcy Says:

    Oh, and don’t feel guilty about not replying to mail, but do stay mindful of opportunities for practicing open exchange. While pursuing this path, you’re going to have to do it with open honesty so that you can feel comfortable with all of yourself (despite denial rich family). You don’t have to share with everyone however. 🙂 Feel free to be picky!

  8. Angela Coles Says:

    Hi Ella,

    I left a comment last night…. I need to expand on that a little. It is perfectly normal for you to be having all these things going on in your head. I did, and still do ! I always question myself as to whether or not I look convincing as Angela and by showing myself off I get great comments !!! So I must be o.k. ! You are truly beautiful as Ella and could become a real stunner with a little help…and money of course. I would love to help you, but it’s your call. I don’t want to pester you like some perv’ ! If you fancy a chat, please email me. Love, Angela x

  9. Randi Dennis Says:


    While watching a documentary on Randy Pausch, the professor who passed on [he is famous for a lecture series called ‘The Last Lecture’], he said something that is applicable to you and all of us who impart on this journey:

    ‘The only safe thing is to take a chance’

    I took that to mean that if one does not take the risk and chance to live as they want to, they will always be that lingering question, the sense of ‘What if_____?’ This does not mean do things immediately of course, but to understand that the benefits of taking that risk is far greater than staying on the sidelines.

    As others here have said, you have a great start…a great look and a very sharp mind. Those will work for you long term. And I will add to the chorus here that if you want to chat about anything, the email is there anytime, anywhere.

    Love Always,


    PS: The full program I was talking about is at:


  10. Alexandra Says:

    hey there you look awesome are you taking hormones? if you are or if your not you should take hormones soon as possible to keep you menirism’s like they are now its good you look great

  11. LisaCD Says:

    Great video, you look so feminine. Best when you smile! Good luck with moving out and becoming the girl you want to be.

  12. sue Says:

    Well dear, you certainly are an interesting person. It would be nice to be friends with you and e-mail eachother. I seem to feel a bond between us.


  13. Alice Says:

    Hello. Brave of you to post a video.
    I remember when i first found your blog. It inspired me to start mine and it has grown massively since.
    I love your style.
    I also get the emails and i try to reply to most but there are some that i am too scared to. I know what you mean.

    Being 19 and trying to be yourself in our situation is a challenge. I am sure you hear this a lot. But i would gladly offer any help i can give.
    I am about to start hormonal treatment and i know the pains of coming out at our age.

    I would love to chat to you properly sometime.

    Damn.. that sounded really creepy. oh well, ignore me if it did.


  14. PC Albuquerque Says:

    Vc é muito linda, gostaria de ter a oportunidade de tc com vc e ver mais suas fotos ou vídeos

    Muitos Beijos

  15. Randi Dennis Says:

    My Dear Ella,

    Honey here is hoping that your day is going ok….plus that at some point there is more of your visage that is displayed!!

    Til later on and Love Always!!


  16. John Says:

    I’m a straight man and I wanted to let you know you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. I bet you get that a lot. On the other hand, you probably get a lot of shit too. So a little encouragement can’t hurt, right? Take care, and keep being yourself.

  17. Falcon Says:

    Well i know you get a great response but i hope you could have time to add me to your list of friends, i really like to talk to you. If u want you culd add me, mi msn is

  18. Randi Dennis Says:

    My Dear Ella,

    Honey here is another thought for the day:

    So carry on don’t stop your feelings
    Try and make them flow
    Somewhere there’s a vision waiting
    You’ll find it when you know

    -Jon Camp/Michael Dunford

    Til later on and Love Always!!!


  19. Cec Says:

    What a sweetheart 🙂

  20. Neil Says:

    So very beautiful – I would love to know someone like you. Great spirit and real sense of self – gorgeous and very well grounded. I would fall for you in an instant. xx

  21. fuck you Says:

    fucking bitch go die you trans gender

  22. Mike in the USA Says:

    Hi I just wanted to say i liked your videos and to say I wish i had had the guts when I was younger and maybe I would have become a girl instead of hiding it. I have remained a male. I even got married to a wonderful gal. weve been married over 23 years and yes she knows about my preference on being a girl. I hope everything works out for you. you have alot of guts for doing what you’ve done. I admire you alot. Don’t worry about your family just find someone you love and settle down with them.

  23. JAMMIE LYNN Says:

    videos are great your the perfect woman

  24. Stu Says:

    Good site, some bits are sadish some are so cool, if only life was black and white but then again we enjoy so much colour and without the colours life would be so drab. Your great, inspire and enjoy.

  25. Archy Says:

    Hello! I hope here can be Ella’s friends, who know her in her real life. Would you please, send these drawings to her, thanks beforehand!

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