Not Feeling Fantastic

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

00:38

Well I did have fun today, and I did take a significant amount of photos which I shall now proceed to sift through and upload over time. Seen as I’ve just taken a new batch, I will upload the last couple of photos from my last (schoolgirl) batch.

I need to stop being so jealous and envious all the time. I see girls everyday that are so beautiful, I just feel like I can never ever look as good as them. I feel like no matter what I do, I just won’t look beautiful. Often when I’m browsing around the internet I come across a fantastically beautiful transgendered person and then I just feel even worse, knowing they’ve ‘been issued the same tools’ if you get my drift. I know that there’s always going to be people prettier than me, but I don’t like knowing that. I also know that feeling like this isn’t good, and lets just say, these feelings come and go. Right now I’m in a bad place in my head, I need to just cool down, relax. I need to tell myself that everything will be ok, it will work out, and I will learn to accept that I can’t be the best at everything.

Maybe I just need someone in my life. Two centuries* of no loving relationships what-so-ever is probably not good for anyone, especially someone like me who loves to go out and have a good time. Not having a partner, mixed in with not being who I feel is myself, along with all the usual day to day trouble can take it out on you, and I guess this is the reason I have these lows sometimes.

Here’s the last of the pictures, enjoy.

11th December (12)

11th December (13)

Night! X

*I meant decades. Thanks Alice! Although technically I haven’t had a relationship for two hundred years either, but most of that time I haven’t been alive, so I guess I should forgive myself for that!

4 Responses to “Not Feeling Fantastic”

  1. Alice Says:

    I have had those feelings so often. I hated meeting new girls because of my jealousy. It hurts a lot when you know that they are so pretty and there is little you can do to be like them. No matter how hard i try, i will never be how i want to look.
    (Perhaps you meant ‘decades’ instead of centuries) ?

  2. Kait Says:

    You should not be so harsh on yourself… of course that is something I had to learn too… we are often our own worst critic.

    hugs,
    Kait

  3. kevin Says:

    Hi Ella

    Just wanted to let you know i think your great ….. loved reading your blog and looking at your pics

    If you ever wanna chat my email is umbrolad@hotmail.com

    Thanks

    Kev xx

  4. Anmol Says:

    You are kidding. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have seen. I dont anyways consider you a T girl but just a girly girl. Also I have seen quite a T websites and have not spotted one more beautiful either.

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