Diary Of An Indecent* Dairy Incident

Sunday, 13 January 2008


Right, well, where shall I go tonight? I think I’ll go with the old favourite of ‘customers, and the events that surround them”. Today I had a rather wet experience with a customer and that is in no way dirty. I was sat on a till, minding my own business, and then the customer going through the till behind me dropped a four pint bottle of milk. This bottle, wasn’t just any old bottle, oh no, it was a seemingly highly explosive bottle that the moment it touched the floor milk went in every direction. Seen as I was looking to the side, the left half of my face was splattered with milk, along with my jumper on the back of my chair, my whole tillpoint area, some surrounding customers, some teacakes, the ceiling, all these and more! It was pretty funny to be honest, but not a whole lot of people seemed to see that. It’s like customers have an inbuilt function of never ever being able to see the funny side of things.

When I turned back to deal with the next customer I said hello and she kindly pointed out; “Excuse me dear, but there’s milk on you,”. Uhu, I got that, was what I wanted to say, but instead I just acted surprised and thanked her. Seriously I can’t possibly understand how she didn’t realise I knew, I was after all talking to the people behind me as well.

Anyway, I got covered in milk, fine, I can get over that.

The other day I remember hearing a customer say to her friend after daydreaming “Sorry, I was literally on another planet”. I really really wanted to follow that comment up. “I’m sorry, you were literally on another planet?! Literally?! Wow, well I’m sorry I didn’t know you could travel through time and space so quickly and still be visible here in the food department of your local store! Well, wow, that’s just amazing. Literally on another planet, whatever next…” I wanted to say that, but I didn’t, partly because I would most likely have received an extremely bad complaint and also because I’m really not that pedantic enough to follow it up, it would have just been funny. To me. Nobody else.

Another customer from today asked me in a casual manner if we still do these little sweets which were essentially chocolate and cocunuts mixed and moulded into the shape of a mushroom. I said “No actually, not that I’m aware, I think we stopped doing those” then as a little funny remark I said “It’s a travesty!” I then carried on doing what I was doing which was, by the way, substantially more important than candy mushrooms.

After working a little bit behind the information desk and then setting off to do something else, the same woman came up to me and so “So are you finding out about the mushrooms?” I wasn’t even aware she was waiting for me, nor was I aware that a person could give so many shits about a chocolate mushroom! So, then I went to search through the paper work to try and find what was going on with them. It turned out we had stopped doing them, like I said originally, so then I went back to her and said, “We have actually stopped doing them yeh, so go take your money, shove it… into your purse, and go and by some other chocolate and coconut fungi shaped candy. And because they’re so important and essential to everyday life, I’m sure you will have no problem finding them!!!”

Ok, I didn’t say the last bit, I just told them we don’t do them. She didn’t seem to buy the fact that I’d genuinely looked for her, but finally she decided enough was enough. Thank the lord!

So yes, customers. Some of them may be annoying, but I guess for the most part, they’re alright, after all if it weren’t for them I’d be out of a job. Yes, sometimes they may have ‘brandy breath’, and yes sometimes they blink too much (causing a draught), yes sometimes they may even let their kids sit in the middle of the aisle to play cards and stop you doing your job. They may do all of those things, but when it comes down to it, I love them all.

Big hug customers! Arrrrrr.


Night! X

*Indecent in this respect means ‘not-decent’ or ‘bad’. I just thought it was too good a title to pass up. By the way, I didn’t mean to insinuate any kind of crude act upon a cow.


4 Responses to “Diary Of An Indecent* Dairy Incident”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    You might like this:

  2. Kait Says:


  3. rachelmead Says:

    The other day I remember hearing a customer say to her friend after daydreaming “Sorry, I was literally on another planet”.

    This reminds me of one of my favorite books by Kurt Vonnegut,Jr. “Slaughter-House Five” in which the hero, Billy Pilgrim, is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians via a space/time warp and lives on Tralfamadore for years and yet is away from Earth for only a microsecond. There was a movie as well but the book is a good read.


  4. dungduk Says:

    just wanna say hello…
    look beautiful n nice if you are female…
    anyway… hello

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