Thursday, 10 January 2008
What does my mum not get? She’s insisting on cutting my hair tomorrow. She said in front of my sister so I couldn’t say “No, don’t cut my hair, I want it long” because my sister would get suspicious. My mum knows I can’t tell my sister and it seems to me like she’s using that against me.
Ok, it may need tidying, but I can just imagine my Mum going crazy on my hair as soon as she got the opportunity, making it look boyish. I don’t trust her in that respect. I wish she would give me more room, more of my own life. Yes family is important, and of course I love then all, but I’m 20 now, I need a life of my own, and a life I want to lead more importantly.
Since telling my parents I’ve thought about the possibility of moving out a lot more. I’ve even thought about moving out the country. It is a good time to move to the US after all with this Dollar to the Pound being so high. But, of course, I have things that still need doing in this country. Not all of my friends know, and neither do any of my family except my parents. Also if I’m going to go through with the SRS and everything, this is certainly the right country to be in, with the ‘free’ treatment. The ‘free’ treatment that seems nigh impossible to get from where I’m standing. I think I’d prefer to earn the money to do it right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure British doctors are capable, but I’d just feel better in the hands of someone who’s done this sort of thing many times before. I don’t want to look like a freak and not work properly after this! I also don’t want to look like I’ve had any surgery, I want to keep as much of my own body as possible. As much as I hate aspects of it, I have to realise that it’s the body I’ve been issued with and if I don’t respect it, then who will?
I wish my parents understood more, but I knew it would be difficult for them. They are both in their 50’s, so are a little out of touch with the modern mindset. They are also very reserved people generally. They have probably never thought more than a minute about transgendered people simply because they’ve not needed too. There’s not a whole lot of need to know about it if you’ve never come across it before. That could do with changing. Everyone knows about gay people, and everyone has an opinion about gay people, but transgendered people are forgotten about. They are the mysterious misunderstood T of LGBT.
I’ve only just really thought about how incorrect it is to include Transgender in LGBT. Transgender is not a sexual orientation. It is completely different to who we want to be with, it is who we feel we are inside. I guess it’s something that can be put up with though if it does provide us with transgender equality rights, but it does seem like it would only be another problem towards the confusion surrounding the transgender spectrum.
If we all keep at making it a more publicly accessible idea, it will only be a matter of time until large numbers of people start standing up for us too. Come on people, let’s roll!
Ok here’s a picture, and I’m off. Still quite a few still need to be uploaded! Nearly a month old as well, better get my skates on.