Saturday, 08 December 2007
As things stand at the moment, my own time is hanging around in the background. I’ve had to put other things before, so I do apologise very much for the rather short and random blog subjects of late. My day starts at 3pm when I get up, I then have about 6 hours of free time, but I can’t do what I want because my parents are home and my sister comes back from school not long after. Then work is from 9pm to 5am, and once I get back home it’s usually about 6am. This is the only time I really have to update this before my sisters alarm goes off at half six. I presume, as today is Saturday, she won’t have set it, so I may have a little more time.
I think the lack of being able to open up to my diary and talk to others on the net has affected me even just after four days. Today, the first half of work went horribly. Absolutely everything was aggravating me or getting to me in some way. First off the section that I have to fill every night is right in the middle of the lingerie section of the store. As if the fact of not being female wasn’t enough in itself, life seems to have shoved femininity right into my face as if to mock me. So that started to get to me after a while. Then later when I was filling right next to the entrance/exit of the store, I saw two of my friends walking by that had just gone and met up with some of my other friends who had invited me out but obviously I couldn’t go because of my shift time. Also these two friends that I saw, I’ve not seen them at all since most of my friends left for uni, and now when they can come out, I’m unavailable. Yet more ‘rubbing it in my face’ from fate.
So those things and just general annoyances of work got to me and I did start crying. I haven’t done it since I told my parents about me, but today it got too much again. It would have been seen on the security cameras, but I don’t care, I just needed to.
Fortunately, after my break, which wasn’t too long after, I was feeling better. I think the crying may have helped, but also the talking with others and eating helps too. I didn’t feel at all as bad afterwards, so I’m thankful for that.
Anyway, I can hear movement from bedrooms surrounding me, so I’ll call it a night and leave you with a new picture.