Wednesday, 14 November 2007
I’m not going to beat around the bush today, this was the most important day off my life so far.
My Parents Know. My Mum found out by looking through my draws, and she found a letter that was sent to me after I’d been to the doctors, outlining exactly how I felt. She read through it about a week ago and she’s only just confronted me about it. She just came up behind me when I was on my computer, and whispered in my ear, “I know why you went to the Doctors”. It took a while before I fully comprehended. I stopped what I was doing and closed the lid on my laptop, tears were already filling my eyes.
After that I just couldn’t stop, and I kept apologising to her, and wondering how she must feel. She just kept asking things and reassuring me, telling me she will always love me. I couldn’t believe that finally after 20 years, she knows. I seriously couldn’t picture myself talking about this. After possibly about half an hour my Dad came in and saw me crying into my Mum’s shoulder. Right then and there I had to decide whether to tell him or not. Mum seemed sure that it wasn’t best to tell him yet, but I wanted to, I just wanted the secrets and lies to end completely. So Mum took the letter out to show him, as I turned away. I didn’t want to see his reaction, I was scared of what his face would look like.
After he read it, well I don’t remember what he said exactly, but he said that I shouldn’t worry. After a lot more talk and crying I told them that I did one day plan on becoming a woman, and unbelievably Dad was the better of the two parents. He actually started saying, “Well you’ll always be my son, or daughter” I can’t believe it, he actually seemed to accept it straight of the bat. He said things like “I’ve always wanted you to be happy, and if you’re unhappy now, then I guess we’ll just have to get used to the idea”. Mum on the other hand was doing what I expected. She was trying to reassure me, and more likely herself, that I was all man. She said she’d seen people on TV that had gone through the surgery, and they seem a lot more effeminate than me. Then she mentioned Lily Savage a.k.a. Paul O’Grady. If you’re not British you probably won’t of heard of him, so let me just let you know that he’s a comedian that used to do an act as an extremely flamboyant woman. It was a drag show, with laughs. She then said that he seems more effeminate than I do, and I just don’t seem similar to him. I had to tell her that he wasn’t transsexual, he was just doing it for the comedy probably. He is himself, he’s not wanting to become a woman. But it worried me that the first person she thought of that I was like was somebody like Paul O’Grady. He doesn’t exactly feel what I feel. I imagine they thought I’d end up like him at first, they didn’t expect me to want to become a woman.
So there we go, today, the most important day of my life, and it really still hasn’t sunk in. Hopefully this is the first day of the rest of my life. Things should open up a bit more now. I think it’s time to book a doctors appointment again!