Most Important Day Of My Life

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

01:38

I’m not going to beat around the bush today, this was the most important day off my life so far.

My Parents Know. My Mum found out by looking through my draws, and she found a letter that was sent to me after I’d been to the doctors, outlining exactly how I felt. She read through it about a week ago and she’s only just confronted me about it. She just came up behind me when I was on my computer, and whispered in my ear, “I know why you went to the Doctors”. It took a while before I fully comprehended. I stopped what I was doing and closed the lid on my laptop, tears were already filling my eyes.

After that I just couldn’t stop, and I kept apologising to her, and wondering how she must feel. She just kept asking things and reassuring me, telling me she will always love me. I couldn’t believe that finally after 20 years, she knows. I seriously couldn’t picture myself talking about this. After possibly about half an hour my Dad came in and saw me crying into my Mum’s shoulder. Right then and there I had to decide whether to tell him or not. Mum seemed sure that it wasn’t best to tell him yet, but I wanted to, I just wanted the secrets and lies to end completely. So Mum took the letter out to show him, as I turned away. I didn’t want to see his reaction, I was scared of what his face would look like.

After he read it, well I don’t remember what he said exactly, but he said that I shouldn’t worry. After a lot more talk and crying I told them that I did one day plan on becoming a woman, and unbelievably Dad was the better of the two parents. He actually started saying, “Well you’ll always be my son, or daughter” I can’t believe it, he actually seemed to accept it straight of the bat. He said things like “I’ve always wanted you to be happy, and if you’re unhappy now, then I guess we’ll just have to get used to the idea”. Mum on the other hand was doing what I expected. She was trying to reassure me, and more likely herself, that I was all man. She said she’d seen people on TV that had gone through the surgery, and they seem a lot more effeminate than me. Then she mentioned Lily Savage a.k.a. Paul O’Grady. If you’re not British you probably won’t of heard of him, so let me just let you know that he’s a comedian that used to do an act as an extremely flamboyant woman. It was a drag show, with laughs. She then said that he seems more effeminate than I do, and I just don’t seem similar to him. I had to tell her that he wasn’t transsexual, he was just doing it for the comedy probably. He is himself, he’s not wanting to become a woman. But it worried me that the first person she thought of that I was like was somebody like Paul O’Grady. He doesn’t exactly feel what I feel. I imagine they thought I’d end up like him at first, they didn’t expect me to want to become a woman.

So there we go, today, the most important day of my life, and it really still hasn’t sunk in. Hopefully this is the first day of the rest of my life. Things should open up a bit more now. I think it’s time to book a doctors appointment again!

Night! X

5 Responses to “Most Important Day Of My Life”

  1. Darcy Says:

    *applause* BIG BIG steps! Go easy on the apologies heh, you’re wonderful as is and as will be.

  2. Alice Says:

    now you have the rest of your life to live. This is the start. It sounds very much like my own parents when they found out.
    I am glad that you are finally out to someone. Be happy
    All i can offer is hugs!
    xx

  3. Sonia Says:

    Yeah Ella!!

    Yes, I’m in the middle of reading your entries from the start. I’d been wanting so much for you to have some more “coming out” experiences. Coming out to your parents is just fantastic! It *was* step one of your plan, after all! Gosh, It’s still funny to me that someone else coming out feels so good to us–us other TGs. We identify with you so strongly, and want so much to see you happy, to see progress and success at becoming…Ella.

    Big November 14 hugs,
    Sonia (on January 16)

  4. Falcon Says:

    Wow it seems a very important day in your life, i hope your parents understand you and accept you just by the way you are. I send you hugs.

  5. Adam Says:

    I don’t know if you will read this since it’s about a post from 2007 but I want to say I admire your courage for being who and what you are and I feel for you when life seems too hard. I ran across your site a few days ago and I’ve been reading your diary entries from as far back as they go.

    Although I’m a computer professional and constantly on the internet, I’ve never really gotten into blogs that much buy yours has captivated me for some reason. Maybe it’s the photos (you’re very creative and have a good eye for the camera, not to mention that you are a lovely woman) or just the day to day story of your life but I find myself reading your site and hoping the story has a happy ending. As long as you stay true to yourself, I’m sure it will.

    Be well always,

    Adam from LA, USA

    🙂

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