My Life Goals

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

01:12

One Tanyarat Jirapatpakon won the Miss International Queen 2007, yesterday I believe.

Now I’m not sure what to say on this matter. Yes it’s good that transsexuals are fine with getting out there and strutting their stuff, but at the same time it isn’t exactly building the image of transsexuals on nothing more than either ‘dudes in frocks’ or ‘flamboyant beauty queens’. The thing is there are good hard working transsexuals out there but many of them choose to remain secretive about their past life. I was thinking about this when I was trying to think of a role model, who I wanted to look up to as somebody that has battled through everything I’m feeling and has come through with a smile still intact. But I really couldn’t think of anyone. There are no mainstream transsexual celebrities that I know about. Ok there was Nadia off a big brother a few years ago, but what did she do, really? She won Big Brother, good, but not great. She was only in there because being transsexual is ‘weird’. I bet that’s what the organisers were thinking at the start.

What I want is someone who has worked up from the bottom and become something big. She would have a large company of her own, or run websites or something like that. She’d be worthy of a spot-light. Whatever it is she does, she would have to be likeable, ie she didn’t come across as ‘a bit of a freak’. She’s got to just seem normal, so that people would not care that she were transsexual, and she’d just accept her for who she is. That way transsexualism would be more widely accepted, I’m sure of it. Transsexualism isn’t just a path to looking either really manly, or really flamboyant. It is a life choice that does not affect the professionalism of the person.

People have said that I should consider modelling. Well first off, right now it’s difficult, but secondly there’s that whole thing of not just being famous for looking good. I would like to be a future role-model for transgendered folk. I don’t know how likely that is, probably pretty slim, but never-the-less it’s a target to aim for. But I feel that I need to be everything I just said about. I need to be successful in my own right rather than just being born a guy. I don’t want people to remember me by that. I want people to remember me as a successful woman who happens to be transsexual.

I hope I got my point across tonight, I tried not to blow my own trumpet, so I hope it didn’t come across like I did. This is one of my life goals, I just thought I’d share it with you. As for what I’m going to do to be successful in my own right, I don’t know. I’ll just have to play around with different things, see how I adapt. I know I enjoy writing, photography, and music, but those are more hobbies than anything else. I have been interested in advertising and marketing though. I think that might be something good to get into.

Anyway, I’ve started rambling, so I’ll stop.

Night! X

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3 Responses to “My Life Goals”

  1. Darcy Says:

    ” She’s got to just seem normal, so that people would not care that she were transsexual, and she’d just accept her for who she is.”

    Acceptance is acceptance. If you want real acceptance, a person has to be accepted regardless of their proximity to society’s definition of normal. What is normal anyway? It changes for each person asked so that it defies definition besides, “whatever I decide.”

    “I don’t want people to remember me by that. I want people to remember me as a successful woman who happens to be transsexual.”

    But your posts about being in transition are not presented as you being a happy woman who happens to be transexual. You’re constantly labeling yourself and measuring the distance to various poles. How can you be there, if you spend so much time declaring that you are not? This is going to cause you to be remembered as someone who was not accepting of wherever she was, and wouldn’t let herself be content until she met a whole plethora of requirements. This is not happiness. Happiness is not achieved after a list is checked off. It’s a decision for right now, in the moment, and with a smile of recognition that you are whoever you are whenever you are, and that should always be enough because it’s enough for life itself. You cannot get to your chosen destination without the partial steps of these very moments! Cherish them!

    I think you’re contributing to the problem of non acceptance by being a role model of non acceptance. Especially when you say things like, “…she didn’t come across as ‘a bit of a freak’. She’s got to just seem normal…” That’s the same “you’re lacking” nibble people are going to try to feed you along the way.

    “I would like to be a future role-model for transgendered folk.”

    Then let today be perfect, and you along with it. You’re not yet where you will be someday. That’s fine. Saplings are no less trees than 30 year old trunks. Joy is in acceptance of the moment within the journey, not the obsession with the destination and the “I am less than” judgment of progress along the way.

  2. becomingella Says:

    Well first of all thank you very much for the comment, it’s obvious you feel quite passionately about this and I think that’s great.

    What I meant by ‘normal’ in that post was basically, ‘average’. It’s the kind of person you see down the street, talk to in a bar, just be good friends with. A lot of transsexuals in the media are flamboyant and over the top and that’s the first thing most people think about when you say transsexual. I want that to change.

    Your second point, about the fact I’m not a happy woman who happens to be transsexual. Well the reason I’m not at the moment is because I’m not happy right now, if I was, then maybe I wouldn’t need to become a woman. I will love every step of the way to becoming a woman, but I haven’t even started yet. I still live as male and I hate it.

    If I were happy all the time, about everything, I may not have the drive to even continue and I’d live in a false sense of satisfaction forever. I need some sort of target to work towards, that’s how we progress as people. We all need something to strive to be.

    Finally, you said that I would become a role model of non-acceptance, and frankly I’m not quite sure of your point. Surely being a successful woman, who happens to be transsexual, and is open about it, would be a sure role model of acceptance. If I were to hide it, as if ashamed, then yes that would be a role model of non-acceptance.

    Thanks again for the comment. You did make some good points, and I will generally try and be happier and more thankful for what I do have, but I will be even happier when I reach future milestones in my life.

    Ella

  3. Darcy Says:

    I meant only kindness. 🙂 Thank you for noticing.

    ” I’d live in a false sense of satisfaction forever. I need some sort of target to work towards”

    My experience has been that happiness and satisfaction are different. Satisfaction is a past-looking pride in accomplishment. Happiness is a now-looking acceptance of the moment’s situation and progress. You’re right in that the difficulty you have now will carry the reward of greater meaning later when you’re living as a woman full time. I’m sure you’ll get there. You have a great self love! 🙂

    I hope you don’t look too much for a messiah to follow in this. You have to be that for yourself. I’ve learned that people still in transition towards their identity goals, or who have already achieved it, are perceived as normal because they regularly teach others how to be accepting by radiating their own calmness with self. They are their own role models, spokesperson and figure-person.

    I hope this makes sense. When I was banging against the walls of full transition or nothing at all, it didn’t occur to me for many years that I didn’t have to be polar about it and that I could just go on being who I was being until I found my own marble hole to role into. Turns out I’m not as far to the TS pole as I once thought, and that I was really just exploring. Sensual male was enough for me in the end. I couldn’t get to that accepting middle until I became completely accepting of wherever it was I happened to be, in those moments, even while I thought I would have to jump into HRT and onward. By trying to live with a sense of lack or being incomplete (ie:constantly aspiring to “fix” something), I couldn’t actually know about my person, and I annoyed a lot of people with my constant lamenting (I’m not saying you are, please don’t think so, but I admit I definitely was hehe). I decided to just let be what was, and if that meant one thing, cool. If it meant another, cool too, skirt in public one day, hairy face pants the next. When I had to be a leader of acceptance for others who didn’t understand, that was great too. People often learn to see you the way you see you. They’re infrequently original. Non-accepting people were taught to be that way using the same mechanism.

    So yeah, keep aspiring! Great. It’s what will drive you. But try not to feel like the you of now is wrong. Try to see it as not-yet fully realized. Yummy cake batter for now, delicious cake later. You deserve happiness.

    Still aiming for kindness and inspiration here. I respect your courage and what it is you’re aiming for. I think it’s fantastic! 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing and for this dialogue.

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