Monday, 12 November 2007
My sister was not happy today, which seemed to have a knock on affect to how good my day turned out.
This evening was when it really started. My sister was bored, and aggravated and seemed mad at everything and everyone. When Mum asked her to change the sheets on her bed, that just seemed like the final blow to finish her off. My sister started crying and giving us all death stares (it’s the hormones). Anyway, at one point she came into my room, opened up my cupboard doors and appeared to be looking for something. I was a little worried because that closet holds all my secrets. My wig, a blouse, hair removal cream, and all my exfoliating and moisturising stuff was in there. So I subtly tried to get her away, but then she grabbed one of the balls I use as a boob and went running back into her room with it, using it as a stress ball. I was scared then that I would get found out, so I was relatively pleased that she only took that, but now I don’t know where it’s gone, so that’s a bit of a downer.
Then later on she came back in and looked in my cupboard again. I think she does know I’m hiding something and she’s trying to find what it is, but she’s not saying that. She does invade my space a lot. If I’m sat at my computer, she’ll often sit on my lap to see what I’m doing, or if I’m writing a text, she’ll be there over my shoulder spying what I’m writing. I may be paranoid, but she’s suspicious! Luckily though, before she got too deep into my cupboard this time, her sandwiches were ready and she quickly made her way downstairs. When we were down I tried to lighten her up a bit by putting Ugly Betty on.
Me and my sister love that show, my parents hate it, but we love it. It’s great because not only is it funny it’s often very emotional and it gets you very involved. It’s got a lot of charm. At one point tonight when we were watching it, one of the characters, Mark, introduced another guy as his boyfriend. At this point Mum said, as if confused, “So he’s got a boyfriend, right…”. I’m pretty sure at that point she was wondering why I enjoy this program.
Earlier that night, Mum had asked me if I enjoyed my life. I don’t often hear that question, and just to keep up appearances I said I did. God knows that would’ve been a good time to tell them, but no I passed it up.
Anyway, after my sister and I finished watching Ugly Betty, and she’d gone off up to bed, my Mum asked about whether the problem that I’d had, had gone away. (She knew I’d been going to the doctors, and she’s knows there’s something bothering me). I didn’t say anything of much coherence, I just mumbled basically. I did add ‘not really’ at the end though. To that she just got up and wished me good night and went to bed. She wasn’t mad, she could just tell I didn’t want to talk about it. Yet again another good opportunity to tell her that I completely wasted.
After those two failures to tell her today I got in the shower this evening and was pretty unhappy. I just felt useless. If I can’t find the words now, then it’s only going to get harder and harder until I do find the words! I need to act soon. So when I was in the shower, I looked down at my body and felt even more unhappy again, then I looked over at the sink, with my shaving blade on the side. Then looking back down at my ever so slightly hairy body, I decided that I’d just like to get rid of it. I shaved my chest and stomach and I’ve never been happier with how smooth it looks and feels. At the time I didn’t think of any repercussions of doing this, I just wanted to do something to cheer me up. So hopefully there’s not going to be a time where I have to bare my chest in the near future. Twenty year old guys aren’t meant to have smooth and silky skin on their chest! I’ll just have to hope I’m lucky.
That’s enough, I think my hair’s just about dried from the shower now. I had to wait for it to dry naturally because the hair dryer is in my parents room, and they’re both sleeping like babies at this moment in time. So now I’m going to dive right into my bed with nice new clean sheets and knock out the Z’s myself.