Friday, 09 November 2007
Today was potentially the most embarrassing day of my life, at least in recent years. Let me just brief you, it is only November, but that does not stop the Christmas festivities beginning. On TV the Christmas ads have started, in town the Christmas lights are up, although not actually switched on yet, and in our shop there are decorations everywhere. I could go on to say about how I find it annoying that Christmas begins in Autumn, but I’m not going to go that route. Today I want to talk about just how embarrassed I was.
I was sat quite happily on a tillpoint (as happy as one could be) and then the manager, the main man, came up behind me, tapped me on the back and said “How would you like to be our Turkey?”
Here lies my mistake. If I were thinking straight I would have had no doubt that I’d have said “I’d rather not,” or something to that affect. But no, the words that escaped my mouth were “Well I’ll give it a go,”. What being a Turkey entails is, you may have guessed, dressing up in a hilariously bad turkey costume and going around the store and maybe out into the high street to give out leaflets about Christmas Food ordering. Why I said yes to that, I still don’t know! It’s just that it was the manager that asked, and you know, I wouldn’t mind a permanent job!
So I got off the till, grabbed the costume and went up to the changing rooms to figure it out. Basically the easiest way to describe it would be as a pair of thick glittery tights with big feet, and what was essentially a skirt with elastic around the bottom, to give me a kind of ‘fat bird’ look. I’m not kidding here, there I was dressed in tights and skirt in the middle of my place of work. Just tights and a skirt would have been fine, but from the skirt, (comically close to my crotch) came a long tube with a hat that looked like a turkeys head on the end of it. The tube was supposed to look like a turkeys dangly bit under its neck, but I’m going to be honest, It just looked stupid.
Apart from looking the part of a first class fool, I was only wearing underwear underneath and I could feel the draft around that kind of area when I walked, it felt a lot like I was completely open. I know it’s the same with wearing a skirt, but this was a turkey costume, and I looked ridiculous. Also the tights had no real means of staying up, so I felt like they were just going to fall down all the time. It wouldn’t take much for me to just be seen in my underwear.
But still I did it, and I did hand out a fair few leaflets. I tried to keep smiling, pretending like I was enjoying it, but really, no, I wasn’t. At that point I was thinking, “This is the lowest point of my life right here, if there were to be a film about me, this would be the opening scene, just showing how little I’ve got to show for in life” The film would be called “From Turkey Boy to….” Insert whatever successful thing I am in the future.
Most of what people said to me was just harmless mocking, and general pity. “I hope they’re paying you more for this”, “It suits you”, “I think it’s about time you asked for a rise” and finally a bit more of a harsh one “Now you see, if you’d have studied hard in school, you wouldn’t be wearing a chicken costume right now”.
I was quite offended by that to be honest, as he didn’t deliver it with much affection. I had to keep it pleasant, so I just said “Yeh, very true”. But what I wanted to say was “Excuse me Mister, as a matter of fact I did study hard at school, it’s the fact I was born in the wrong body that just slipped my focus in my A Level years and University years. Yes that’s right I went to university! Oh and by the way, I think if you’d have paid attention at school you’d know the difference between a chicken and a turkey!”
But I didn’t say that, damn having to be nice to customers!
Well I was in that costume for a few hours, and I cannot tell you the relief when I could get out of it and not get laughed at (as much). I really really hope I never have to wear that stupid costume again. I know it’s not half as bad as what some people go through every day, but if you already don’t have a whole lot of self-confidence, and combine that with a stupid costume and some upper class snobs, it’s not really going to make my day is it?
Ok well, that’s how my day went, I hope yours went better!
I am glad I did it, but only because they may not pick me to do it again!