Gaydmirer

Saturday, 20 October 2007

01:21

I always come on so late, I should really make myself get to bed earlier.

Anyway today a guy came through my till that I don’t see a whole lot but whenever we do we talk, and I only know him from going through my till. He is gay, or I am in very little doubt that he is. I also think he likes me. Lets look at the facts…shall we….

  1. He looks gay. (I’m not being harsh or anything, but why is it that gay men usually look it. It’s something about their faces, they just come across gay. Just more proof that it is actually genetic rather than a lifestyle choice)
  2. He sounds it too (Now that could be a lifestyle choice)
  3. He calls me ‘Sausage’. (Yeha, he does, and he’s not even that secretive! He actually called me that a few weeks ago and still remembered it today)
  4. He flirts a lot (see above)
  5. He uses a lot of sexual innuendos (“I’ll just squeeze that in there” he said, talking about putting shopping in a bag. He then started laughing naughtily! Yeh I know, not a great example but I can’t remember a good one)
  6. Today I said that “It doesn’t take much to impress you” to him, and then he laughed and said “You know me so well already”.

There we go, that’s the truth. The thing is, I haven’t exactly been trying to put him off flirting with me and everything, because to tell you the truth I like it.

Ok, let me clear something up, some of you may know, some of you won’t. Me being transgender, ie relating to a certain gender identity that isn’t my current, has nothing at all to do with my sexual preference. I am transgender in that I feel like I should have been born female. As for how gay/straight I am, I don’t even know yet. I haven’t lived as myself for longer than like a day, I don’t think that’s really enough time to work out who I want to be with.

As I am now, I don’t want a relationship with anyone, at all. As a girl to me it feels like I’d have a relationship with anyone! That’s not me being desperate or anything, I just think the person I love could be male or female. I have to admit that I can definitely more see myself being with a guy when I’m female, but hey, I don’t know, I’m not Mystic Meg.

Well, whatever happens with me and this guy (it just struck me I don’t even know his name), before it would get too far I’d obviously tell him how I really feel and I wouldn’t want the relationship to go anywhere, unless of course he really liked that sort of thing, but him being gay isn’t really what I look for a in a guy. So why do I like him flirting with me on the tillpoints you may ask? Well I just like the attention in real life. Yeh I get some attention online, but it’s nothing on actually talking to someone and knowing that they like you. Makes you feel very special.

Anyway, I will get some sleep. Work tomorrow, then London Sunday!

Currently I’m…wondering if my parents can hear me coughing from their bedroom. Hope not.

Night! X

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One Response to “Gaydmirer”

  1. Denise Says:

    Hello, just found your blog browsing on flickr and I’m hooked, I really like it.
    Commenting your “gaymirer” entry I can tell you I relate to it, you see I’m a TV as well I’m 31 ( a little older than you) but also look a lot younger.
    I was for a long time confused with my orientation I’ve had some experiences with guys and they have been pleasant, but I am pretty sure that’s not my thing, what I’m trying to say is that don’t worry, your preference will come in time and don’t be scared by it.
    You might be confused but not much, when you say you see yourself with a male when dressed is completely normal must of us do, but it doesn’t mean anything maybe is just a fantasy.
    Well I’m sorry I’m babbling, the important point is you have friends who might help you understand what you like and what you don’t.

    H&K
    Denise

    PS. Attention is something we all seek and normally is fun to get it, but if you really don¿t fancy this guy, better tell him.

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