On Reflection, It’s Actually Quite Apt

Tuesday, 02 October 2007

01:23

Today was just work, and there’s not a whole lot to talk about.

Every day should be amazing. We should all live each day as if it’s the last should we not?! Well what the heck was today. I woke up, went to work, came home went to bed, with various eating phases in between. Work does nothing but give me money right now. Money that I wish I could spend of clothes, money I wish I could do with what I liked, but at the moment I’m very limited. Ok, so recently I bought a new camera, but that’s a rare thing that both the present me and the future me will like.

I was thinking today, about the film “Mulan”. Why? You may ask. Well I have a Disney compilation CD on my iPod, and I listened to the song “Reflection” from that film tonight, when I was stocking shelves. The great thing is that when I’m listening on my iPod, it’s a lot easier to listen to the words and work out the meanings. And I just found out how much that song is about transgender issues.

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that i’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that i’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

Everything said in those lyrics is exactly how I feel bar the bit that says “Who is that girl I see?” Obviously I’d replace that with boy. It is definitely very meaningful to me, and since hearing it tonight, it’s now one of my favourite songs, but of course I won’t let people know that! If I had songs like this and “Cherry Lips” belting out my laptop, then I wouldn’t be closeted for much longer.

Why hasn’t a cross-dresser ever used the quote “I would come out the closet, but there’s just so much to try on in here first!” It’s so obvious, it’s a good quote for a forum signature! *cough* you may use it *cough*.

Anyway, thanks to the song lyrics, my entry has gone nice and long. I love you, internet!

Oh yes, as for next weeks cross-dressing night, it’s still on, but I still don’t know for sure if I can get that week off. God I hope so, I want to go out so badly!

Currently I’m…wondering what to wear next week.

Night! X

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