"Like Licking A Bruised Banana"

Thursday, 20 September 2007


Tomorrow, or more accurately today, is a ?No TV or Computer Day (but using the computer to listen to music, write things, edit photos, research photography courses, look for jobs, etc. is allowed)? I?m not looking forward to it, I admit. I mean to me it feels like it isn?t a day off, because yet again I have rules to stop me from enjoying myself, just like work. Like, I can?t lick mangoes, or jump on old people, or hit children that fart in my face. Nah, I?m not really like that, I?d jump on children, hit mangoes and lick old people, jeez.

Eww. It would be all wrinkly, like licking a bruised banana, but with added hair. Oh god, you should see some of the women that come in. I mean I know some of them are old and haven?t caught on with new technologies, but really, razor blades aren?t that difficult to get to grips with! I mean, if that?s too complicated, at least use knifes, or scissors, or even some kind of small grazing animal that can live on your face. If you greet a woman with more of a moustache than the biker guy behind her, then you know there?s a problem. How can you ignore it, how is it naturally possible to just glaze over it!

I mean that does go with all problems. I?m not trying to be horrible here, but if you do see someone with one leg, or abnormally pink skin, or hands that look like claws, or maybe all three, (effectively a flamingo) then you can?t help but stare at the problem in question. I mean, it?s human nature to look at things that are different to ?normal? life. I use the word normal in it?s least offensive state. Normal is how we were ?supposed? to look in God?s view. What he designed without all the flaws and problems that every one of us has. Basically nobody is normal.

I?ll tell you what I believe about God and Nature: Who we are, what we do and what we are like is exactly as nature intended. I mean, think about it, everything we do is natural. We have no other way of acting, it?s part of our brains. So as easy as it would be to say from other people in my circumstance, I don?t believe that God ?made a mistake? with me when choosing my birth sex. No. I think that God, or whatever overruling force there is, chose that I was to be seen as Transgender for a reason. Maybe if it were not for my transgenderism, I would keep a relatively conservative personality. I wouldn?t be who I actually am inside. I do feel like a woman inside yes, but it wouldn?t be me if I was born as a girl. That?s where nurture comes in. I?ve been nurtured as a boy, when I feel natural as a girl. This has made a unique personality, which is just me. I don?t know, I find it hard to explain, but I know the route I have to take is the route I honestly want to take. Maybe my destiny is to be a role-model for transgendered youth. There are desperately few good ones out there at the moment.

Anyway, tomorrow is ?No TV, Comp Day?, and as much as I?d like to stay up to make the most of this time online, I really am pretty sleepy.

Hey I just notice, when you initialise that name it comes up ?No TV/CD? Coincidence? Yep! But weird none the less. I hope this is not some kind of subliminal message from my parents trying to stop me being who I want to be! Again, I highly doubt it!

Ok, I?m currently? hearing a muffled sound of the radio being muffled further by the fan of my laptop. It?s not music on at the moment anyway, just some ads. I?m not missing much!

Night! X


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